I’ve never been shy about not wanting to be on an all girls team.
As most of you know, the end of training camp came and I found myself on an all-girls team. I wish I could say I was excited and had a great attitude, but I wasn’t and I didn’t. I was mad, and a little disappointed. I got over it quickly though, because let’s be honest, when you tell God you want HIS will, HIS way for your life, you can’t complain when He does it.
Then debrief, month 4 came. We had just finished an incredible time in Saldus, Latvia. It was the best month we had had yet, as a team. We ministered well together, we loved well, we grew spiritually, it was great!
Enter, team changes.
We knew they were going to happen, especially for us. We were the smallest team (made up of 4 ladies at this point) and knew some “adjustments” were sure to come. Our leadership team put us all in a circle and handed us papers with the names of our new team members on it. We were instructed to pray and when they said “LOOK” we could open our papers and read the names of our new family. I was nervous and excited.
I prayed the same prayer I prayed at training camp; “God, YOUR WILL, YOUR WAY.” I opened my paper, and fell to my knees, tears of joy streaming down my face. I was still with my sisters, these amazing girls I had fallen in love with, but in addition to our little family, was 3 new brothers!! Micah, Derek and Will. I finally had guys on my team.
I just never thought for a second that God would use these guys to ruin me.
(Will) (Micah) (Derek)
I wrote a bit about my Valentine’s Day this year. The men on our squad SPOILED us. They bought us chocolate, did the work of 40 people, gave us notes of encouragement, prayed over us, washed our feet, loved on us and honored us as women. I had tears the whole day. It was a beautiful day, but if I’m honest, I was glad it was just a day. All that “honoring” can make a girl feel weird. I mean really, what have I done to earn such attention and adoration?
I was happy to have the guys on our team now. I really love these guys, but they are in fact ruining my life, and I’ll prove it.
Since gaining 3 of those 10 amazing men, I have carried my pack less, had a brotherly arm thrown over my shoulder when shady characters approached, been bear hugged, told I was beautiful, been prayed over for healing of all sorts, never been last in a walk, been offered strong arms on slippery sidewalks, received tea, flowers, forehead kisses goodnight, comforting embraces, and respect.
I was fine being independent. I was good, just me and God. Until Jesus decided to show me a side of His character through these 3 incredible men that I never recognized before.
My final ruin was mid-race in China.
I thought it was sweet when they guys ran the mile+ ahead of us, in full pack mind you, in Hong Kong so they could drop their packs off, hustle back and help us with ours.
(Yes that is sweat, it was HOT!)
It was thoughtful when they woke up early and cooked us breakfast.
But when Micah sat us all down and announced that to celebrate the halfway mark of the race, the guys were treating us to massages at a parlor close to the house, I was done. I had enough!
(Wait, before you think I’m a total brat, hear me out…)
How could I repay them? I was loosing the thoughtful game. Essentially, I had done nothing to earn such treatment.
Before I could stop myself I asked (in a tone, not at all as excited as the other girls) Why are you doing this?
Will spoke up, “We love our ladies and want to spoil you, is that a crime?”
“YES!” I shouted in my head. “Yes, it’s a crime, I haven’t earned this! I don’t deserve this! I can’t think of how to pay you back! Dang it!”
Most people would ask, “How do you ever expect to accept God’s love then?” Well, in my head it’s a little easier to accept Jesus’ love. I know I could never pay Him back. Ashamed of my reaction I asked…
“Lord, why am I acting this way?”
“Because you have trouble receiving grace.”
“Well don’t sugar coat it for me or anything.”
“You try and pay me back all the time, thinking that if you get your life right you’ll have earned or deserved your salvation and my love. You think that if you are just obedient enough, feeling my love will be your reward. Don’t you know I love you because I love YOU?! I know you, all of you, and I love you!!!“
Ephesians 2:8-10 says
“God saved you by his grace when you believed. And you can’t take credit for this; it is a gift from God. Salvation is not a reward for the good things we have done, so none of us can boast about it. For we are God’s masterpiece. He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so we can do the good things he planned for us long ago.” (NLT)
There are aspects of God’s character that can be seen in the simplest acts of love. My guys have shown me a side of Jesus that I thought I knew, but now there is a depth there that is unmistakable. The beauty found in their actions, is that it’s just who they are as men. Who they are, as men of God in my life, for this season, has shown me how much more of Jesus I really need, and desire. Essentially, these guys have ruined me, for the better.
(Team Change!)
