Wears makeup to the tanning bed.
That’s the kind of girl I am.
The only place you’ll see me without makeup is an 8 am class or at the lake after the intertube washes it all off.
I spend more money on makeup and clothes in a month than I do on bills.
You better believe I came on the Race with my bag packed and fully stocked with makeup for 11 months abroad.
Every 6 weeks since 9th grade I’ve highlighted my hair.
It’s always perfectly flat ironed/curled, poofed, and hair-sprayed. You know what southern girls say “the higher the hair, the closer to heaven.” Okay I don’t actually say that, but it does happen. Put a teasing comb in a southern girls hair and you’ll have enough knots in your hair to start dreads.
In our culture, we’ve been taught that our curly hair needs to be straight and our straight hair needs to be curly.
Therefore, I have always hated my naturally wavy hair; it’s actually one of my biggest insecurities.
I see girls who don’t need to do a thing to their hair or face to be stunningly beautiful. The girls I always think are the most beautiful are ones with “natural beauty.” I categorize this group as “girls blessed with beauty that they don’t have to work for.” In my mind, I have never been one of those girls.
Nowadays, however, I don’t take the time, effort, or preparation to beautify myself. Most days on the Race, I don’t even run a brush through my sopping wet hair before I run out the door.
I’ve broken out in the past 8 months more than ever in my life.
I’m constantly pale and pastey, and
I can’t fit in some of my clothes anymore.
I show people pictures of me from back home and hear “woah you look different;” I nonchalantly respond “yeah I used to look good.” And although it’s all in good humor, those words burry themselves into my heart and mind.
An alumni World Racer told us at the beginning of our 11 months that when she was on her Race, she was so focused on how beautiful God kept telling her she was that she didn’t notice the 15 pounds she’d gained until she got home. “No way that’ll happen to me,” I thought.
But now, I compare pictures from 8 months ago to today and I see the uncovered blemishes on my fresh face, the craziness in my natural curls, and the noticeable weight gain on my body.
The fact is I’ve lost my beauty…
And it only took me 8 months.
But it also took me 8 months to lose {my identity in} beauty.
8 months of battling not to wear makeup when I look in the mirror and see nothing I like.
8 months of asking God how He sees me.
8 months of having to be okay with wearing the same clothes over and over.
8 months of losing focus and starting over.
All of this flashed like a lightbulb turning on in my mind the moment I stepped into our first supermarket in Cambodia. As I took a stroll down the makeup and toiletries isle, I noticed common denominators: “skin whitening” and “hair straightening.” This was the advertisement labeled on all of the merchandise. For a while I was confused, until I learned the harsh news that Asians don’t like to be dark. They want to be white “like you. You have pretty skin. I want skin like yours” (cue Asian accent). Socks and sandals, long sleeves, and pants is their wardrobe in 98 degrees — July in MS — kind of weather. They’ve gotta stay out of the sun to keep their skin light, and they pay big bucks to lighten and straighten their natural black wavy hair.
In my disgust of the way a nation could mislead their people so far away from the recognition and appreciation of their true beauty, I realized we’re not so different after all. Salons in the U.S. are constantly buzzing with women spending ridiculous amounts of money redirecting whatever natural tendency their hair has. And on every makeup isle in America you’ll find bronzer, perfect for that sun-kissed glow. White people want to be tan. Black people want to be light-skinned. Asians want to be white. It’s a never ending circle of dissatisfaction.
And finally, it hit me. I am naturally beautiful. Everyone’s natural beauty is the most beautiful “them” they can be.
I realized that all of the time we spend looking in the mirror pointing out our flaws and commentating on our insecurities is a waste of time and an insult to our creator.
The TRUTH is that we are “wonderfully and beautifully made,
in the image of our creator,
and perfectly knit together in our mother’s womb.”
Are ya kidding me?
How can that not be beautiful?
So I, clarify my previous statement. I may have lost my worldly beauty on the World Race but I indeed found my true beauty in 8 months.
What now? Does this mean I never stand in the mirror and dislike what I see? Heck no. Does it mean there aren’t days I chose makeup to cover my insecurities instead of allowing God to speak against them? No. Does it mean I never want to wear makeup or get my hair done again? No ma’am.
I just want to return to America and have the freedom to run out the door *20 pounds heavier,* hair sopping wet, without an ounce of makeup on and still know that I’m radiating beauty because I’m glowing in beauty as God’s worthy daughter… and I want you to be able to do it too.
LET’S STOP LETTING PEOPLE TELL US WHAT’S BEAUTIFUL. LET’S START ASKING OUR CREATOR WHATS BEAUTIFUL.
Xoxo,
KP
