We each were assigned nights of the month to share a testimony with the church.
“A testimony” in central american culture doesn’t carry quite the weight that “your testimony” does in the United States. Instead, they are just looking for a small tidbit of how the Lord is currently working in your life. So, I wasn’t worried. I can handle this.
I spent the week before praying into what the Lord would have me share, yielding no results. On Sunday morning, in a final plea with the Lord to speak to me, I went down to the river to have a time of intentional listening prayer with Him. After an hour of worship and prayer I walked home with still no answers. As my teammate Sara prayed over me during the start of church, the Lord started speaking into me what I was to share: “your path to forgiveness for your father.” I walked to the front, completely unaware of where to take this, but in faith that God would give me the words to say. I briefly shared the how the continual process of walking in forgiveness for my dad is the same way our Heavenly Father daily forgives us.
Little did I know, this was only the start.
I thought I had delivered a great sermon on forgiveness. Especially to be thrown at me last second! However, Dona Rosita (our host and pastor) had more in mind. She followed up right behind me by telling the church I would be giving another testimony on Tuesday how I had completed the process of forgiveness for my father. The thoughts that ran through my head: “woman, are you crazy? I just told you and the rest of the church that its been years of continually nailing this to the cross. I’m not going to forgive in 2 days what I’ve been carrying around for 22 years. This woman is trying force healing to build up herself and her church. It’s not going to happen.”
Does anyone sense distrust?
Later that day, Dona Rosita, asked to speak to me about my dad. “Not only is it something I don’t believe will happen, it is a private matter that I don’t just share with anyone,” I ranted to my teammates. However, after contemplation and prayer, I sensed the unwilling spirit in me may be more of the work of the devil than the Lord, so I reluctantly accepted. What’s there to lose?
What she had to say was totally unexpected and slapped me in the face like a 10 pound brick.
- When someone sins against you, you usually sin against them in return. I hadn’t done anything wrong in my mind. Yet, she asked me how I’d reacted when I was hurt. Avoidance. Resentment. Malice. She informed me these are sins.
- The choice of unforgiveness is disobedience. The devil twists lies into making you believe you deserve to be angry. He tells us “It’s your right.” These are lies. The decision to stay in unforgiveness actually holds you back from the gifts the Lord wants to give to you.
- Disobedience leads to rebellion.
Without knowing any of my story of how I had been living my life in the past year, she named every sin I had partaken in as a result of this seed of unforgiveness.
I began to realize how the choice to stay angry with my father had seeped anger into all parts of my life. I had become a person full of anger and resentment. I had allowed disobedience in forgiveness to seep disobedience into all parts of my life. I had spent the past year of my life in complete rebellion towards God and it had hindered my ability to receive healing.
I learned that forgiveness is a choice — a choice to obey.
Although painful and extensive, I chose to step into obedience that day.
In return, I shared with the church that Tuesday the process I had walked through. As I spoke the words “I choose obedience. I choose to forgive,” it began to rain on the tin roof. It hadn’t rained the entire time we had been in Costa Rica due to the dry season. Yet, it rained. When I returned to my seat my wise teammate Kirsten shared with me “rain signifies new life.“
Yet, somehow I had a gut feeling it wasn’t over. I was proud of myself for choosing to forgive, but I didn’t feel free.
On our last ministry day we planted plants in the place of the new sanctuary to symbolize the first signs of new life there. My team received visions and answers there, for ourselves and for our hosts.
I shared with our hosts how I received the answer “yes, 1 year” to whatever question they were asking God. It turned out they had been asking to start building. After 14 years of holding this land, preparing and waiting, we got to be a part of the answer from God that the time is now. The Lord not only confirmed 1 year but clarified that in one year it would be complete. The joy that overflowed from them was beautiful to witness.
What an answer to prayer!
While there, I also received answers. Not only was I to forgive, but I was to ask for forgiveness for my wrongdoings as well. The moment I agreed to obey in this way, a weight was lifted from me.
I received freedom.
& I haven’t been the same since.
What can I say? Freedom is a beautiful thing.
Who do you need to forgive? Don’t let Satan rob you of joy any longer. Choose obedience. Choose freedom.
Trust me, it’s worth it.
as always,
KP
