In proximity to returning home to America, people keep asking me what I am most excited about and scared for. While it took a while to fully consider, I’ve made a compilation.
I am EXCITED to:
devour all of my favorite foods that I’ve so dearly missed
go on mother daughter dates dates with my bestie
wear all the old yet new clothes in my closet
rub my feet on a soft fluffy rug when I get out of a shower that’s not over the toilet
eat until I go into a food coma at thanksgiving
hop in my car to go wherever I want, and do whatever I want, whenever I want
roll around in my memory foam mattress topped bed
get out of the shower and not immediately start sweating
venture to all of my favorite restaurants with people I love
watch cheesy Hallmark Christmas movies
use my preferred brand of shampoo, conditioner, and soap
squeeze my nanna until she giggles and tells me thats enough
bake Christmas tree sugar cookies
wear lotion that makes me smell like a girl (in a field of flowers)
coast through a drive-thru at Starbucks and buy a PSL
full body hug my best friends
sit on the couch cuddled up in a blanket drinking hot cider
breathe in the crisp Christmas spirit in the air
dance in the backyard with my dog Denali
** the fact that half of these are about eating explains why I’ve gained 20 pounds this year. You went back and counted didn’t you?
I am scared of:
being surrounded by people who can’t fathom what this year has been like
coming home to people who don’t know the new me
conforming to those around me instead of walking boldly in my new growth
being around people who aren’t constantly seeking change
people’s broad questions I don’t know how to answer
people not caring to hear more than a 5 second response to “how my trip” was
going grocery shopping for the first time
crying every time I see someone that reminds me of someone I’ve met this year
vegging out in front of Netflix instead of processing
withdrawing into myself instead of letting people help me
being angry with people for what they have when so many others don’t have
resenting the body of Christ when it doesn’t seem to look like it’s doing it “right”
getting stuck in MS working a 9-5 job that doesn’t matter
forgetting my purpose
Considering all of these, it seems to bring all of you supportive friends and family to the very real question “what can I do to help you (Racers) reintegrate?”
Ask specific questions – Your Racers want to tell you crazy stories, talk about how God has moved, and share what was hard. But questions like “what was your favorite month” may be too broad of a question. (The answer to that one question could break down into our favorite 1. Ministry 2. Country and 3. People we shared the month with.) Questions like “what did God teach you” can be overwhelming. He taught us so many things! Where do we even start? Questions like “how was your trip” should be avoided at all cost – “good” isn’t an informative answer for you or a helpful one for them. Take time to think about what you truly want to know, and then ask your racer specifically. This will help them process and you to hear experiences that you want to know!
Some quality questions could be along the lines of:
– What month was hardest spiritually/physically?
– Which ministries were your favorite to be a part of?
– What country did you love most for its beauty?
– What was one hard thing the Lord walked you through but growth came out of? (Be prepared to take time to listen to the possibly long story)
– What dreams do you feel like the World Race revealed to you?
– Who is one person you met that made a lasting impact on you?
Love on them with all of their favorite things : they’ve spent a year without things you may unknowingly took advantage of on the reg. The little things have become big things: Velveeta shells and cheese, Sonic slushes, molten lava cakes (personal preferences), fingernail polish, smell goods – candles, lotions, body wash. You know your racer better than anyone. If your love language is giving gifts, goodie bag this stuff.
Spend time with them : invite them out to those favorite restaurants they’ve missed. Take them to do the things you’ve always loved doing together: going to the movies, listening to live music, getting your nails done, riding around jamming out to music (they haven’t heard yet that came out 6 months ago). Go do new things together! I’m going to bet they are a lot more adventurous and spontaneous now than when they left. They have already missed out on a year of social activities, invite them to slip right back into the swing of things. Let them know their presence is known and has been missed. An insecurity they may fight is that no one has skipped a beat without them around. And on the days they can’t pull themselves together enough to leave the house, give up going out for them. Order pizza, eat ice cream, and watch Netflix all night long. This will mean the absolute world to them.
Tell them everything : FaceTime and texting can only communicate so much. You may think that your life this year hasn’t been exciting to compared to theirs, but they just want to know everything they’ve missed. You are so important to them. They want to be filled in as if they were never gone. They want to hear all the details about how work has been, who you’re seeing, what summer adventures you had, and all of the new songs and movies that came out.
Give them grace : believe it or not, I hear, reverse culture shock is a real thing. When they stand in the cereal aisle for 30 minutes trying to figure out what kind to buy because they haven’t had this many options in 11 months, have grace. When they want to be anywhere but home after the excitement has worn off, have grace. It’s not you they want to get away from. They’ve spent the past year changing scenery, work, languages and culture every three weeks. Going back to a schedule may be the hardest thing for them. Life “inside the box” may be the most terrifying for them. When they don’t feel like processing or talking about anything at all, have grace. Sit with them in silence. Play games, take them to see a movie, or have small talk with them. When they resent everyone and everything that screams more wealthiness than they lived on for the past year, have grace. They’ve spent a year sympathizing and even empathizing with people who live on an monthly income of what the average American receives as a daily income. When they rebel against their church, shopping locations, and usual lifestyle, have grace. Their eyes have been opened to the way people from all over the world functions, and they may no longer want to operate in the way they did before this journey. In some ways, your Racer may come home completely different than they were when they left in January. Please, have grace.
I will never forget the heartbreak I experienced sitting in a cafe in Cambodia when my best friend expressed her fears in losing her best friend, myself, this year. She wasn’t the most afraid that I wouldn’t come home or that we would lose touch. She was the most afraid that I would never again be the person I was on the day I left, and that our friendship would never again be the exact same. She was right. However, in honest consolation, I told her that I may not be the same, but I hope to be better.
As you grieve the loss of the friendships, relationships, or person that were left behind in January, rejoice in the treasure of the new friendship, relationship, and person that will be stepping off of the field in November! They will, hopefully, communicate better, pursue harder, love more selflessly, and live more freely.
But when they don’t… have grace.
We love you and are ecstatic to see you! It’s America we’re a little nervous about. 😉
See you SOON,
KP
