With the arrival of December, and the passing of my birthday, came the realization that I need to begin my final preparations as well as my final closures.
I started to load my pack, to determine what can go and what I still need. Wow, that thing doesn’t really hold much. This will definitely force me to simplify my life. I’ve been wanting that and praying about that for a while, so here is my chance to actually do it.
The more difficult challenge came as I began to pack up the rest of my belongings. What do I keep? What do I let go of? It was easy to put things I don’t care about into a box to be donated of sold, but other things aren’t so easy. The questions and thoughts began to fill my mind; “Should I keep this so I have something when I get back?”, “It would be nice to have this.”, “Well, so and so gave me this.”. Suddenly, it didn’t seem all that simple.
I have a friend that volunteered her storage space to me, so it is tempting to want to hold on to things and fill that space. But what am I really holding on to?
We had our team conference call yesterday, and Jake had made a comment that really hit me. He said that God doesn’t necessarily look at the monetary value of what we give up, but rather at our attachment to it. So again I have to ask, what am I really holding on to?
A few months ago, I didn’t care about any of my stuff. I was eager to get rid of it all. Spending time in a developing country does that to you. But in the three months that I have been home, I have become attached again to the materialism of our culture.
I know that when I get out there and begin the race, I will quickly loose all interest in the “things” I have at home. But knowing that isn’t enough to make me not care now. It is really hard to put my mind in that place while I am still here amidst all of my earthly treasures.
God, help me to see what I am really holding on to. Show me the heart of my attachments, and help me to surrender them. Help me Father, to let go of any grip I have on this world and live in freedom, with full confidence in the treasures stored up for me in heaven.
