It hurts to heal. As your body puts into motion the systems that heal your flesh, it brings irritation. Your skin becomes inflamed and begins to itch.
It is the same when God sets into motion the healing of your heart. It is uncomfortable and irritating. You become agitated. You will become restless and “itchy”. And the more you pick at the wound, interfering with the healing process, the bigger the scar becomes.
There are only two ways to respond. You can allow it to inflame your flesh or you can let it inflame your spirit. You can burn with selfish discontent, or burn with passion and gratitude for the God who desires to bring you new life.
I have continued to struggle, not even knowing what I am fighting against…
The devil is good at what he does. The lies have been buried so deep that I don’t even recognize them until God brings them into the light.
That light has been shining in some pretty dark corners lately. Tears and tension have been my frequent companion, but I am beginning to see more clearly the lies that have bound me to rejection for so long.
Tonight, we gathered to have “church”, and worship the Lord. I avoided it at first because I felt kind of numb and didn’t want to fake it. I hung out in the kitchen for a while, but the music and passion drew me in.
The tears began to flow without explanation. There was no particular thing driving them, just a sense of hurt and sorrow. I cried out to God in my spirit to take away this pain. “I don’t know what to do, how to respond…” I heard no answer, so I sat in silence.
After a while, one of the girls spoke out. God had given her a vision of a crown of thorns placed around a heart. When the thorns pierced the flesh, something black like ink ran out. She said that God was saying that He was going to begin a new story.
When asked if the vision spoke to anybody, I kept silent. I figured if it was for me nobody else needed to know about it. Then Tom encouraged a response so that he could pray with the person. I sheepishly raised my hand without even lifting my head.
Everybody gathered around, and the girl who had the vision began to prophesy that God is taking away the darkness and writing a new story in my life. He is taking away the pain of relationships and healing the hurt. Others also spoke of healing, and that God is giving me a new name. I am no longer named wounded, but am a daughter full of strength.
Many things were prayed and spoken, but I didn’t hear them all. I was wrapped up in the love of my heavenly father. He saw me. He heard my cries. He felt my pain. He did not forget me. He came to rescue me and give me hope and peace.
When we allow the irritation to drive us into the father’s arms, we find rest and complete restoration. I know it will come, and I am not going to waste my time on selfish discontent. I will seek the Lord in all things.
