For whatever reason, God decided to use this month to open up a lot of emotion from my past. I have been overwhelmed at times with trying to get to know a whole new squad, teach kids for the first time, and just life in the field in general.
I have spent a lot of days hiding because I just did not know how to function in this environment while dealing with all of this hurt. I almost broke down before we even started the first week, but I prayed with Terresa and got just enough peace to make it through the week. Then, when it was time to pack up and move to Alabanza, I lost it. All the building emotions I had stuffed back down, expolded.
I took a few days to stay back alone and seek the Lord while the others went to camp. I got to relax some and had a little peace and quiet, but the tension did not leave, and I did not get any major revelations from God. I talked to Kathy, and she had some good insight, but all I realized was that I can’t fix this. I just had to wait on the Lord.
Then, we got another blow to the team. Kelly announced that she is leaving The World Race. She felt called to persue other opportunities here in South Africa. We all felt at peace about it, knowing it was the Lord, but it still hurts. It was like loosing a sister. We miss her.
Since then, I have gotten some peace from God with were I am at, and I talked to Dini and cleared up some of the wounds I had been dealing with. I know it will be a process, as I learn to identify all of the feelings I had gotten so used to covering up. I am hopeful and confident that it will be completed as God’s Word promises. I know that it is all good, and I am being freed from a lot of things that have held me back. I’m okay with the process, knowing the end is good.
