Sorry I haven’t written for a while, I guess I just didn’t know what to write. I’ve actually been very frustrated and confused for the last few months, trying to figure out where I fit in and why I am here. I still don’t have an answer for that, and things just got a little more complicated.
I finally have enought support in my account to become and official paid staff member, so I went to the coordinator to discuss how I can get involved and start helping with the World Race department. The answer wasn’t one that I was expecting, and it was rather dissapointing. Because of some recent restructuring, they actually don’t need any more help and don’t have a posotion for me.
This came as a bit of a blow since that is what I had been working toward all this time.
For those of you who are familiar with my struggles, you can image how this plays right into my struggle with rejection and inferiority. It hasn’t been easy, and a battle is raging for my heart right now. I’ve cried a lot, and asked all of the why questions. What I believe the Lord is telling me is that He is stripping away all of the things to teach me something. I am still trying to find my worth in a title or a postion instead of in who I am in Christ.
It’s not an easy lesson, and the devil isn’t backing down from this one because he knows what is at stake. I’ve been looking into several options for leading trips. They are still looking for leaders for the October World Race, and there are also options to lead college age trips in Africa. There is also a new program we are launching here in Gainesville called Communtiy Life. I am treading cautiously because I don’t want to just find another filler. If I am going to do any of those things, I want to do them because the Lord is leading me there, not because I am seeking something for myself. I do not take leadership lightly, and if I do it I have to be there for them and not focused on myself.
So, you might be wonderinig what I am doing, especially those of you who are supporting me. Well, for now I am working part time with the marketing deparment. I am fianally putting my college degree to use doing graphic design for the websites and also making postcards and other promotional materials. I am also still working at Starbuck’s, and will continue to do so.
I will keep you posted on any new developements, but for now, just pray that the Lord gives me the strength and courage to stay in the fire as long as I need to for His work to be done in me. I really want to be done with this foolishness of putting up with defeating lies, and giving the enemy a foothold. Also pray that when I am ready, that doors will be opened and things will fall into place for me to go back overseas or wherever He calls me to.
Thank you for your faithful prayers and support. You are such a blessing to me.
