It has been awhile since my last blog post. and if I am being completely honest it is because I started to put this trip on the back burner of my life, not even fully realizing I was doing so. One thing I have struggled with in this process is trusting God to be my provider. When I first thought about applying to the race. I saw the amount of money that it would take to go and it seemed absolutely impossible to me to raise that amount. But I knew this was something that God was calling me to, so I applied anyways. as afraid as I was, I was more excited and ready to dive headfirst into this amazing calling. I was on cloud nine thinking of all the adventure that was ahead of me.
As time went on, the logistics of going on the race began to overshadow and overwhelm all the great and mighty things that God was doing in my life. All I could see were the obstacles ahead of me and they began to seem so much bigger than what I felt was possible for me. What I had trusted God with so fully in the beginning began to be like this dark cloud hanging over my head. I started to allow fear, insecurity and self-doubt to creep in and slow me down. All of these lies began to fill my head and it held me back way more than it should.
This Race is so much bigger than me, not just The amount of funds that I have to raise, but every aspect of it, leaving my family, and every thing that I find comfort in, traveling around the world, reaching people in some of the most hopeless of circumstances. it all seems way over my head.
When I measure myself next to what is being asked of me, at times I have felt that I don’t measure up. I have felt that I am not ready, Financially, physically, emotionally, and Spiritually. I have felt that I am too broken, to ordinary, to unworthy.
The bottom line is that I CAN’T do this, not on my own.
BUT GOD CAN
What God has shown me is that IT IS bigger than me, which is exactly why He has called me to do it. There are countless stories in the Bible of God calling ordinary people to do extraordinary things. David, Nehemiah, Noah, Ester, Mary, ect.. ect.. I was reading the story of Moses and God really began to speak to me.
Moses said to the Lord, “Pardon your servant, Lord. I have never been eloquent, neither in the past nor since you have spoken to your servant. I am slow of speech and tongue.”The Lord said to him, “Who gave human beings their mouths? Who makes them deaf or mute? Who gives them sight or makes them blind? Is it not I, the Lord? Now go; I will help you speak and will teach you what to say.”
But Moses said, “Pardon your servant, Lord. Please send someone else.” (Exodus 4: 10-14)
needless to say, I have been just like Moses in this story, God called me to do something amazing and instead of just saying “yes Lord, I trust you” I haven given him all the reasons and excuses as to why I cant, and said “just send someone else.”
God is showing me everyday that I need to stop relying on my own strengths and my own abilities, and start realizing that it is the God inside of me that enables me to do anything. Christ’s power dwelling within me is what empowers me to live this life and overcome everything that is put in my path, It is because of Gods Grace that I even have breathe in my lungs. Without Him I have nothing and I am nothing, but with Him I have everything. God has already provided me with everything that I need in order to fulfill his purpose in my life. but most importantly He gave me Jesus. Whose power at work within me, gives me the STRENGTH for each new day, gives me GRACE to pick me up when I fall, and whose love and sacrifice for me gives me the POWER and the COURAGE to chase after this wild, crazy, epic life that God has for me.
God has shown me that there is no mountain to big for him to move. WITH FAITH, there is no giant that can’t be defeated, and there is no devil in hell that can stop God from accomplishing His purpose in the world and in my life. we are all ordinary people, but we’re in the hands of an extraordinary God …and the possibilities in HIS hands are limitless.
When I think of all this, I fall to my knees and pray to the Father,the Creator of everything in heaven and on earth.I pray that from his glorious, unlimited resources he will empower you with inner strength through his Spirit. Then Christ will make his home in your hearts as you trust in him. Your roots will grow down into God’s love and keep you strong. And may you have the power to understand, as all God’s people should, how wide, how long, how high, and how deep his love is. May you experience the love of Christ, though it is too great to understand fully. Then you will be made complete with all the fullness of life and power that comes from God.
Now all glory to God, who is able, through his mighty power at work within us, to accomplish infinitely more than we might ask or think. Glory to him in the church and in Christ Jesus through all generations forever and ever! Amen.
Ephesians 3: 14-20
