The rough and the tough, as honest as it gets

Well I told you I would be completely honest with you in blogging so
here goes. Ill start with the bad and then go to the good. I just got
back from hanging out with my Squad leaders, really just getting to know
Joshua’s heart better and sharing our testimonies with each other. It
was awesome, but on the way back to where we were staying a little boy
came up to us asking for money, it was 10:40pm at night. He said he was
11 years old, but I’m not sure he was that old. He tried to act so
tough, but a hug and a bag rub later and he was laughing and sitting
down with us. There are three options for what most kids are in the
Phillipines: 1) orphaned and homeless and just begging for food 2) he is
1 AND also huffs glue to numb the hunger pains that he gets from
starving 3) he begs for money to give to some type of “pimp� and gets
fed because of it. All three options break my heart. I started tearing
up in the middle of the street, I was trying really hard not to start
sobbing because there was nothing I could do to help him. I could only
pray and love him for that moment and believe in the justice of our
glorious God. I felt so useless. Then right after that these two guys,
one who was super drunk, got on the jeepney with us. Jeepney is a old
humvee turned into a taxi type service. It has benches on each side of
the back and is a common form of transportation in the Philippines. They
got on and I am about 99.9% sure that they were gay. It was extremely
uncomfortable being in sight of it, much less riding near them on the
jeepney. On top of that the more sober one was touching the super drunk
one really inappropriately. The whole ride the emiotions going through
my head were SO intense. I just got done seeing this innocent child
suffering and couldn’t do anything but attempt to offer some momentary
love and care. Then I get on the jeepney thinking Ill be able to process
this at the YMC, where we are staying, and have to see that. At first
all I could think about was how wrong it was, then I could super pissed,
then darkness. I realized how dark some of the places I am going are
going to be. I started crying again at the overwhelmingness of it all.
“How can I do anything against that darkness?� Then I look over and my
other squad leader Megan, who has such a gentle and compassionate soul,
is mouthing words. I have no idea what, but instantly know she is
glorifying or praying to God right there. Later I learn that she was
singing the song “Freedom reigns in this place�. It was so encouraging
to see that light of her love for Christ coming forth through that
overwhelming darkness. And I realized that Christ is anywhere and
everywhere we who carry Him are. He has already defeated death, and He
died on the cross for ALL sins, not just mine. I realized I am not the
judger, but Christ will come again with a righteous just fire that will
judge all and all I can do is present myself as a tool to be used by him
as much as possible. There is HOPE and there is LOVE even when the
darkness feels like it is closing in. Christ has already won!! So though
I was still really sad and heart brokenly devastated over what I had
just witnessed I was also encouraged by the truth that God does not
forsake us.