The day that I had heard about finally arrived. We were all put into vans and driven to a spot and dropped off. We were to be silent (which is hard for our group!) and to reflect on what it was that we were still holding onto that God wanted us to drop. I found a spot and waited. It felt like I had cried so much this week, what else could be stripped away? Were their any tears left? I prayed silently while everyone was still on their way. When everyone arrived we were told to get a log and write on it what we needed to drop at the foot of the cross. When we were ready we were prayed over and the journey would begin. We were to follow the path marked for us and at the end we were to throw our log at the foot of the cross. I sat and thought about what to write on my log. So many things came to my mind, fear of people, circumstances and responsibility; my need for control; and huge insecurities about who I am came to mind. I sat their waiting for God to reveal which one to put on the log. All of the issues swirled within my head and suddenly they all became one. It all boiled down to a lack of trust. The thought that I don’t trust God brought me to tears. How could I have gone my entire Christian life without trusting Him? My head knowledge is large. I believe that everything that happened in the Bible is true, but that belief had not yet made it to my heart. I felt like the man in Mark who asked Jesus if he could heal his son. And Jesus replied, “‘if you can’? Everything is possible for him who believes.” My response echoes what the man exclaimed, “I do believe; help me overcome my unbelief!” Why do I find it so easy to believe that God loves others and will work in their lives for change, but when it comes to me I have a hard time believing that God will love me, change me, and make me a vessel for extraordinary things? I wrote ‘Lack of Trust’ on my log and the tears came, but not for long. Almost immediately, God filled me with faith. He whispered in my ear, that this is where it ended. This day was my stake in the ground; I gave my life and my heart completely to Him. An electricity filled me and I was so excited to get rid of this log!
I prayed with so many people along the way. They blessed me and imparted Gods words to me to see the things of God, to hear Him, to be able to discern even the smallest whisper from Him and to know His almighty presence! The first part of the journey was easy. The thought crossed my mind that I should have picked a bigger log, because I am throwing away something that is a huge part of my life. Then I realized that when we first pick up the things in our lives that keep us from fully trusting God it is somewhat easy, maybe a little uncomfortable, but doable.
