After leaving Central America, I found myself in a constant state of unhappiness. I wasn’t excited for Europe. It became even less exciting when my team changed, however I was willing to serve. Europe is cold and rainy, I got stared at all the time, I didn’t understand anything and the people weren’t very friendly. I noticed that I was being very negative. I talked about it with my team and asked them to hold me accountable to the things I say and to call me out when i’m being negative. After coming to Albania there was some improvement but still much work to do. I noticed that I used the word “stupid” quite often. Especially being in the same place with the majority of the squad (cause we know how much I love that). It was always, “why can’t people mop up their mess after a shower or take their hair out the drain so it doesn’t clog when the rest of us want to shower or put the laundry bucket back where it belongs”. I mean the list goes on. I found myself saying “well that was stupid” all the time. Living in community is often frustrating to me but who am I to judge someone’s character because they operate differently than me? Thus the “stupid” challenge was born. Every time I use the word “stupid”, I have to do 10 squats and 10 push ups (per my team). It initially began as a weekend challenge. That weekend I ended up doing about 6 to 7 sets of squats and push ups. At the end of it my teammate Kelly asked me what God had taught me through this challenge. I gave her a puzzled look and said “nothing”. I wasn’t really looking at it as a “God thing”. I was just trying not to use the “s” word. Needless to say, I was missing something…
I extended the challenge for an indefinite amount of time. This time, I asked God to just help me to be more positive and be conscious of my words. I want my words to bring life not death. That first week, I only used the “s” word about 4 times, a drastic improvement from the weekend. For the remainder of the month and our time in Albania, I almost never used the word. I became more aware of the words I was using and made a conscious effort to be more positive.
Soooo, what has this taught me?
A- I cannot do things on my own strength.
B- I cannot go and proclaim the goodness of Jesus to the nations with a negative attitude. I have to check myself first.
C- I have to extend grace! Just how Jesus gives me grace for my judgmental attitude towards others. I need to have grace for others when they fall short.
I’m still a work in progress. I challenge you to find where you are being negative. Use your words to bring life not death.
Stay Blessed
Kim
