For the last several months I’ve known that I was following God’s plan for my life by going on the World Race. I knew without a shadow of a doubt I was to go. I didn’t doubt one bit once I finally made the decision to go on the January Race. It was pure peace. There was turmoil at times, but the peace always remained. So when I headed to training camp a few weeks ago, I had no doubt that nothing would change except me. Well – everything changed – including me. Almost from the time I set foot onto camp I knew it was no longer right. I didn’t know why and I didn’t understand, but it just wasn’t right. I fought it all week. It had to be me right? God didn’t take me through the last year to tell me not to go was He? I would be doing His work right? So why would His plan change? So I fought it. I struggled all week. I prayed, the staff prayed, my teammates prayed, my coaches prayed, my squad leaders prayed, my prayer team prayed. Yet, when I left camp I struggled with the question of whether the Race was where He wanted me. The week after camp I talked with my prayer team at length and I spent time with God. After all that, it was clear that I was to stay.
Since I made the decision to listen to God and stay, questions have followed. If this isn’t my calling what is? Where was I to be? I gave up everything and now I won’t be traveling the world to minister to others. What am I to do now?? One part of me was sad that I wouldn’t be going with the incredible group of people that I met during those 10 days, but part of me was very happy that I wouldn’t be leaving my nieces. I knew that that would be hard from the beginning and I dreaded it, but I was willing to give them up for a year if that was what God asked me to do. I admit I feel a bit like Abraham when God asked him to sacrifice his son. At the last minute God swooped in and saved Isaac. God asked me to follow and I did. He asked me to go and I said yes. He asked me to give up the hardest thing I could possibly give up and I laid them at the foot of the cross. He then said, stay.
The Lord is calling me to love Him whole heartedly which means loving myself the way He loves me, unconditionally. To love God ultimately means I must love myself. I still have a mission that God has called me to. He has called us to love others. It can be here and it can be around the world, but loving others the way God loves me is my purpose. I will miss my “M” squad family, but I will always be a part of them and I cannot wait to see how they will rock the world next year.
God has something amazing planned for me and a purpose only I can fill and I needed to go through this last year to be in a place where I am closer to Him and open to what He has planned. I am in a place where I can rely only on HIM. And that’s the only place I want to be. Safely wrapped in His arms waiting for His amazing plan to unfold.
With the funds that have been raised I will still be doing mission work with the organization. I plan on going to Swaziland, Africa in March and hopefully Scotland in May. I am still doing mission work, just on a shorter scale. Plus my missions work here at home is incredibly important to me.
I thank you for your love, overwhelming support and prayers! I love you all!!
