In the morning, I caught up with some old friends named Leslie and Courtney. We met in Baoding, China in September 2010, and really got to know each other well when we got together on Thursday nights. Both Courtney and Leslie left China in 2011 and 2012 (respectively) but they are back in China doing an English week and so I met up with them on Saturday night and Sunday. We went out for coffee on Sunday morning, along with a young woman named Rachel.
Long story short, over cappuccinos and brewed coffees, we filled each other in about our lives, and I wanted to hear more about them, but all three of them were particularly interested in how things were getting along with my preparation for the race.
I told them how I had sent some letters out, and I’m just praying and trusting Dad in this whole situation, and how I’m asking Dad to see this entire adventure from His persepective. Then something glorious happened: I entered that scary/wonderful area of vulnerability, looked at all three young women and said, “Guys, I’m terrified.”
Right after it came out I felt simultaneous senses of guilt and weakness, but also of freedom and strength ( if that makes any sense whatsoever, which it doesn’t but it’s ok.) It was good to just express it verbally. I am indeed terrified of many elements about this entire process: ‘failing’ at fundraising, not knowing where I’m going to live when I’m in the States right before the race, etc etc.
Rachel then said something that really struck a chord within me. She said, “It’s good that you’re terrified. This way, you will learn who you really need to cling on to.” She then explained how when we’re in this super- vulnerable place, our dependence on Him only intensifies greatly. She then mentioned that being in this super vulnerable place is like having some safety caribeeners latched onto you while on a high ropes course. The safety equipment will indeed keep you safe, but when you do fall, in that moment of falling you, like everyone else, want something to hold onto. We all feel that sense of “OH NO!” but isn’t it awesome that He’s always there to catch us, always.
It was just so nice to hear a confirming word that it’s ok to be terrified, and in fact it is quite good to be terrified.
As we were leaving, Leslie prayed for me, and it was just so refreshing. I could feel myself getting stronger and more equipped as I agreed with her in prayer.The entire time she was praying for me, I just kept expressing my thanks to God that she gave her time to pray for me, and I also practiced receiving. Just receiving His Grace and agreeing in prayer.
Later in the day, I visited my friend Mike at the cafe he’s working at, and, unbeknowneced to me, some of my other friends were planning to stop by the cafe as well. We spent hours sitting around a wooden table, laughing, sharing and just enjoying each other in the moment.It was such good Spiritual fuel for me. As I was absorbing all of it in, I thought, ” This is what Heaven is like.” As the numbers at our table dwindled down to me and two other friends, we talked about more serious stuff, and my friend requested to pray for me. I just felt so loved and honored, and once again, I just received and accepted the blessings that were being poured out. Again, refreshment and rejuvenation, were so present that they were almost physically tangible in that moment.
THEN, my other friend Bernice came to the coffee shop. Although we’ve both been in Beijing the whole time, for the past 6 months, we’ve just NOT been able to see each other. So, at the coffee shop, we began to catch up as Mike very lovingly brought us hot chocolate. Again, there was just an incredible amount of refreshment, so much so I began to wonder how I was going to go to sleep! One thing I really love abut my conversations with Bernice is that there is ALWAYS refreshment, encouragement, and inspiration.
As we, you guessed it, closed our conversation in prayer, I just knew that Dad really wanted to build me up and receive even more from Him, and He knows that I thoroughly enjoy personal relationships, and He knew that I needed to be built up in those specific ways at those specific times.
What I took from today is that Dad really wanted me to be invested in relationships the whole day, like the WHOLE day. See, I had my own plans of spending some time alone and getting some research done at the coffee shop, but Dad had bigger and better plans for me. As I rode my bike home I realized that today was an extremely big day for me: I actively put my plans aside for Dad to work through me, and there was more Love, Grace, Mercy, giggles and smiles today than I ever could have imagined. I am so thankful that through my time with my friends, Dad was able to refuel me! He’s just SO good!
Now the next steps… asking Dad to open my heart to be vulnerable and terrified enough to open up my schedule for Him and His plans everyday as well as asking Dad to help me receive more, just receive. Not NEEDING to do something, for Him just receiving His Goodness and Love. Hmm…… : P
