I’m completely clueless.
Not the kind of clueless that Cher (from the 1995 hit movie Clueless) clearly demonstrates, totally aloof and just out of it, but a different kind of clueless.
It’s the kind of clueless where I can’t put my finger on anything,
and I have no idea what’s going on, but I’m not lost.
For longer than I’d like to admit, I was deeply focused on figuring out WHAT God was doing in my life, as well as HOW he was doing it. Even before I embarked on the Race, I felt God whisper to me, “You don’t need to figure me out. In fact, you won’t be able to.” Over time, His whisper grew louder in my soul, almost of the point of a shout, but in my spiritually immaturity (my lack of faith, obedience and trust) I still didn’t TRULY believe it. I was trapped in a lie, believing that I could figure Him out, and when I did that that I’d grow closer with Him.
I have three words to describe this incorrect paradigm I was trapped in: FLAT OUT LIE.
My old pattern of thinking was not correct. In trying to figure Him, His ways, and His plans out, I was putting God in a box, (and continuously stuffing Him in it,) giving Him no breathing room at all. Through my deep desire for control, combined with my lack of surrender and trust, inadvertently, I was putting limit after limit on Him and His power.
Basically, I wanted complete control of my relationship with God. I wanted to tell Him what I wanted, what I thought was best for me, my friends and my loved ones, and then wait around until he delivered these things in the way and time that I wanted it to happen. (Yikes, sounds a little lazy & self- centered, doesn’t it?)
Since embarking on this World Race journey, during and after each internal struggle, each time my stubbornness collided with God’s desires for me, each time my selfish flesh just simply didn’t dig in (even when my heart and spirit wanted to) during those times, my eyes, ears and heart were been opened to show me I can’t and won’t know how God works. I simply can’t know, I won’t know. Therefore, I am clueless. God is good though, and He’s showing me that He still wants to Love on me and give me His Peace, even when I don’t understand how He’s doing the stuff that He’s doing.
For example, Isaiah 55:8-9 says “For my thoughts are not your thoughts, nor are your ways My ways,” says the LORD. “For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways, and my thoughts than your thoughts.”
I don’t have to figure Him out, He just truly is not only a wonderful God, but a wonder-full God. He’s full of wonders, surprises, and has a very special Love for me (and for you, too!) His Love is truly mysterious, it’s a beautiful Love that embraces me for who I am, pushes me to fully live out being the woman that He’s destined me to be, and invites me to a place of submission to Him, dependence on Him and trust in Him.
I’m totally clueless as to HOW He moves, but I KNOW and TRUST that He is moving, indeed!
I’m still clueless as to how God’s going to bring in the remaining $4,681 I need in order to be fully funded but I know that He will. He’s been writing my fundraising story all along, and I know that He’s going to fully fund me. I need to be fully funded by July 1, 2014 in order to stay on the World Race. If you’d like to sow seeds into the Kingdom and support me financially to help me continue on my World Race journey, you can donate directly here.
