I’ve been “home” for almost 8 weeks now. I’ve been meaning to blog ever since arriving home (or really since the last time I posted anything in Vietnam, oops!), but have struggled with the motivation or words. Here is my sad attempt.
The Race.
My go to words for describing this past year: life changing. And I mean it sincerely. My intimacy with the Father deepened, my compassion for others grew, my understanding of foreign cultures expanded, my gifts and talents evolved, and the list could go on and on. I experienced more in 11 months than most will in a lifetime. My eyes were opened.
No, it wasn’t all puppies and rainbows like the instagram posts would make it seem, especially for my squad, the infamous P squad. We had a car accident in India, leaving one girl paralyzed from the waist down. The ground shook beneath our feet in an earthquake in Nepal. My team was robbed in the middle of the night with just another girl and I in the house in Malaysia. There was another robbery on our squad in Zambia where people suffered head traumas from machete swinging robbers. I slept on a lot of floors, had food poisoning, and grew used to living with an assortment of creatures including giant spiders, cockroaches, mosquitoes, snakes, lizards, and rats. Traveling between countries was usually a few day long fiasco of limited bathroom and food stops and no showers. I think you’re starting to get the picture.
But then, there were those moments that made it all worth it. Like that time I rocked Ronald, a sweet boy with severe disabilities, to sleep in my arms, singing worship songs to him. Or maybe that time 8 kids in Nepal accepted Christ as their savior during the church service my team conducted. Or another time when the pastor in India told me he had been praying the night before for a message just like the one I preached that morning. Or that time a buddhist woman was relieved of her pain during our prayers and accepted Christ on her death bed. I have a storehouse of sweet and special moments like this that I wouldn’t trade for anything.
I hope I never forget the things I learned on the race. God taught me SO MUCH throughout this journey both through experiences and His word. The theme of my race became “Empty Hands”. Between month 7 and 8, at a debrief, the Lord spoke to me. He told me, “Empty your hands to receive what I have for you. Don’t reach for something from your past or grab onto what you think you need. Just empty your hands.” This was a powerful word that in practical terms looked like me relinquishing control of things like money, relationships, and plans for my future. But the time that followed was so fruitful as a result. As I prayed at the end of the race for a word to hold onto and live by during transition back to the States, it was no surprise that “Empty Hands” came up. It implies the humility and complete dependence and trust that He has taught me over the last 11 months -things I want to continue holding onto as I re-enter back into home life.
Home.
Having just left behind people I loved and a life of missions and adventure, I sat in Reagan National Airport, finishing the last couple chapters of the bible I had left to read the entire thing during the race. I was reading John, when I came across the verse:
“They do not belong to this world any more than I do.” -John 17:16
Man, how this resonated with me. Based on what I’ve heard from past racers, I had expectations of a difficult time readjusting back into an old life with a new me. And I realized that’s because I don’t belong to this World. No matter where I am, I will feel out of place, because I have been created with an eternal mindset and longing. This gave me a sweet peace in the midst of a busy airport on the day before Thanksgiving.
That sweet peace continued as I arrived home in good ‘ol Indianapolis, IN with a cheering crowd of no less than 14 faces that I had missed dearly. God blessed me with so much joy during the first week of being home and seeing family and friends. Then, I went though a brief period of feeling useless and aimless, questioning my life. But I remembered that the times on the race that I was the happiest were the times when I was closest with Him, no matter what my physical circumstances were. So, I pursued that intimacy and He showed me contentment in this season.
I was only home 4 and half weeks, before I flew to Texas to visit a friend and start the 3 week road trip of the South. It was busy and flew by. The itinerary looked something like this:
It included the Passion Conference, visiting friends, a wedding, and Project Searchlight.
Project Searchlight.
PSL (the acronym AIM uses for Project Searchlight because they are AAAAAALL about acronyms there) was exactly what I needed. It was about 5 days packed of catching up with my P squad family that I had began to miss dearly, worshiping God in such a raw way, and filling up spiritually from some fiery and convicting teachings.
Remember that aimlessness I mentioned during my time home? God totally called out the lie I had been believing about myself -that I have no special talents or giftings to offer. He showed me how my confidence in Him as the creator needs to be translated into confidence in myself as His creation. He created me with very special giftings and passions to complete His great commission in a way He designed just for me. He told me to walk forward in confidence, remembering that I am His daughter, the daughter of a King. Walking forward in confidence, I am eager and excited for His plans in this next season and beyond.
The Next Season.
What are His plans for me? Call me up if He tells you. I doubt He will though, because I’ve learned that He likes to take me step by step, knowing that if He revealed the big picture to me, I would b-line straight to the end, skipping all the important stuff in the middle. So, the next step He has for me during this season is a discipleship program focused on leadership and professional development called The Fellowship. As a fellow, I will be living down in Gainesville, GA with the 9 other fellows, interning at AIM.
Yes, I do have to fund raise again -an example of those “empty hands” God’s been asking of me. It would be a lot easier to get a paying job and move on with my life, but He made it pretty clear that He has things to teach me using The Fellowship. Plus, I get to pour back into the organization that has poured out generously into my life over the past year and half. I don’t want to go around sucking from everyone and everything around me, I want to take what I received and give it back out!
So, I would ask that you would please prayerfully consider partnering with me financially as I invest in His future plans for me in furthering His kingdom as well as contribute to an incredible organization that has changed my life. Even more importantly, please continue to pray for me as you did while I was on the race!
Thanks for sticking with me through this crazy adventure. Like someone said at PSL, The World Race was just training camp –life is the real world race.
