Over the last few weeks, everyone has been asking me,”How do you feel?” and “Are you nervous?” And the answer was usually, “No, I’m great! I’m super excited!” Because mentally, I was. This is what I have been dreaming about, preparing for, and eagerly awaiting. Physically, my body started to freak. I was nauseous, uneasy, and lacking an appetite. It was so frustrating to me as I wrapped up my life back home -sold my car, finished my job, packed up my apartment, and said goodbyes to family and friends. I knew I was ready to go and that I was excited for it; so, why was my body not in agreement?!
I fell to my knees in prayer to talk to God about it, trying to figure out the root of it. What is going on in my heart that is manifesting itself physically? We came to the conclusion that despite my flexibility, it was fear of the unknown. I’ve made huge strides in relinquishing control, trusting God, and not acting out of fear this past year, but I’m human. I’m leaving behind EVERYTHING I know to experience a lot of things I’ve never known.
Despite some real father daughter time with God about it, the uneasiness didn’t completely go away. But the moment I saw some of my P Squad family at the airport, I felt safe. I know these people and the love we have for God and one another, and that constant is enough to get me through all of the outliers.
Then, as we stood at worship that first night, I felt at home. I was overwhelmed with this feeling of comfort and joy, knowing this is where I was supposed to be. We sang the words, “I am no longer a slave to fear. I am a child of God.” Wow. Those words hit deep as I reflected on this past year through that lens and saw the truth behind them.
In celebration of this freedom and unique community, I dyed my hair fuchsia. Okay, well, only a strip of it because I’m only a closet rebel, not a full blown rebel. This is my first chance to step out of social norms and embrace the uniqueness of all of this. So, inspired by a squad mate who shows up with a head full of beautiful, purple hair, a couple of us girls dyed strips of our hair. We call ourselves THE FUCHSIA FANNIES!
Pray for us as we start our first month of ministry in Ecuador! And I encourage you to evaluate how you’re living out of fear and how you can counteract that. You don’t have to dye your hair fuchsia, but I promise the freedom you’ll feel from breaking away from the fear is liberating!
