This is SOO not the Christmas blog I wanted to write but this is the one I am writing …
I am SCARED to death that the launch date is soo close. I am not prepared at all to go … a fear of mine I have to admit … to be like the 10 awaitng bride’s waiting for their groom but is unprepared … that is like a life and death nightmare to me and that is how I feel right now.
Dear God, how am I going to do this great adventure??? Am I soo unprepared that I will miss out or will you provide and I come in at the skin of my teeth??? Will I always be unprepared??? Are you disappointed in constantly having to copensate for my short comings??? Will you not send me??? Will you let me fall on my face??? Are you waiting for me to say that this is too much and turn aroud???
To be honest I feel like a disappointment everytime I come up short. So much so that I have been known to not come at all rather than not come prepared. NOT THAT I AM NOT GOING!!! Oh NO if God has it in Him to still send me I will go … I have yet to hear Him tell me no on this and I DO so much want to expereince this great adventure He has set out in front of me.
Wow! I just realised somthing I did that I get mad at some of my friends for … saying something with out meaning it. What if Isaiha never said to the Lord to send him? (Isaiha 6:8) Ironic thing lately God has put me in Isiaha alot lately … mostly to show me who He is … and I KNOW that this trip will provide that for me beyond my fear. I also know that my God is good and says that He LOVES me perfectly and if he provides for the animals so He will provide for me (Matthew 6:26). I DON’T want to miss Him or what He is doing or His work.
But then why do I feel like I am lacking? especially in myself? and how do I change this?
