Sharing about this race has quickly become an exercise in being vulnerable. I don’t particularly enjoy making myself, or my decisions subject to endless scrutiny. I could have absconded away quietly, easily enough. But rather than do that, I decided to expose just a little bit of my private self, personal goals, dreams, aspirations and inspiration. In doing this, I’ve left myself open to both encouraging and discouraging discourse, most notably, from my friends.
I love my friends; they are the best since BEEN the best. Even when we don’t agree and sometimes because we don’t agree. My friends are some of the most supportive people our earth has ever hosted. [Except when it comes to my ‘dangerous’ excursions. my friends do not support me going to cairo.] Even when we are at polar ends of a discussion, we love no less. I appreciate that deeply. But given the unexpected pangs of discouragement from the beta pilot audience, I had better be prepared when the floodgates open and I really have to take on the heat.
What on earth could be so discouraging??
“Why are you doing this?” Innocuous enough, right? But wait! What’s that following your why? Usual one or both of the most discouraging things I hear, every day.
This is unnecessary. You can make a difference anywhere in the world. Have you ever had anyone tell you that your aspirations were unnecessary? It’s like trying to tell a landlocked person that it’s unnecessary to go to the ocean because there’s a pool right there at the community center. I doubt anyone would consider the appropriate response to be, “Whaaat?? The beach? You know there’s a pool down the way, and you can also take a bath right here at home if you just want to get wet.” Which brings me to another point, I don’t imagine it would be common to reduce a person’s beach visit to just wanting to get wet. Further, we’re not likely to assume that person doesn’t believe swimming pools are “enough” or that baths don’t suit them anymore. Finally, that person would probably never have to explain that they would not stop swimming in pools or stop taking baths just because they’d been to the beach. Did you catch that? Roll that one more time before you move on.
Do you just want to feel good about yourself? People go to school, work jobs, fall in love, get married, have children, and typically never get asked if any of it was to feel good about themselves. Why should my decision seem any less natural than these? Or require any additional scrutiny? Yes I want to feel good, but not about me. I want to feel good about the work I do in the short life I have to give. And I have a first hand testimony about how good it feels to do Kingdom work. Furthermore, me going on this race is as much about what I want to feel as what I’m willing to feel. Even now, I don’t want to feel judged, frustrated, misunderstood, scrutinized or isolated; but I’m willing to. Although at times it’s most discouraging – I’m willing.
Nevertheless, I’m yet a mortal with a will that’s not shy about declaring its limits. There are days when I feel I’ve reached and exceeded those limits. Always on time, God sends just the encouragement I need, most awesomely when I’m not even keen enough to ask for it. He sends someone who instead of questioning my motives for going on the WR, explains with unbelievable clarity why it’s exactly what I should do! Someone who completely understands the value of abandon, and breaking free from safety nets, and loving on God’s people in communities all over the world, and how this whole combination works to reveal my core and transform me. Not another world racing Christian missionary, but someone who simply gets it. These moments are powerful; God’s own prompting, clearly addressing my doubts through the power of unexpected community.
Thus, while it may be difficult to reconcile discouragement from those we love, and who likewise love us, it’s energizing and reassuring when God sends encouragement from unlikely sources especially when we need it most. I can keep sharing, keep being vulnerable and I can go on because He continues to let me know that whatever I do for Christ Jesus is not in vain. Hopefully, tomorrow when someone follows up, “so why are you doing this again?” by calling into question my motives and/or declaring my journey unnecessary, I’m free to answer honestly and confidently, with no love lost and all discouragement aside. :o)
