Greetings from Macedonia! I wanted to share with you all a story of something the Lord has been teaching me this year. Specifically recently. (The past 2 months)
As some of you may know I have a rare condition in my feet and ankles. The ligaments are really loose which in turn, when I stand or walk for long periods of time causes them to hurt really bad. This is something that I’ve lived with since I was about 14. So it’s been about 8 years. It bothers me sometimes at home but for the most part I’m used to it and I don’t normally stand or walk for abnormally long periods of time at home. However, on the race I could be standing for hours a day without the ability to sit at all. This happens sometimes. Let me tell you, it becomes so painful. The other day I woke up after getting back from a small hike the day before and I literally fell as soon as I stood up because my feet hurt so badly.
When I was in Cambodia I was doing manual labor for about 4 hours a day, which wasn’t an incredibly long amount of time but I was wearing the most uncomfortable shoes so I felt like I was walking on needles most days. I told my team about the pain I was having and asked them to pray for me. I even stayed back from ministry to rest my feet one day. So my team began praying for healing in my feet, we prayed almost every day. In my prayers I said “Lord, even if it’s not permanent healing, just some temporary relief please.” But nothing happened.
A few weeks later our squad headed to Siem Reap Cambodia for a time of debrief. Every few months some of our leadership flies out from the states to wherever we are to see us, encourage us, debrief how things are going and we all get to rest up before we go into the next month of ministry. We have meetings during these days where we do many things but every time no matter what else we do, we worship to begin with. It’s such a sweet time to worship our savior alongside of 50+ other believers who all have the same goal this year.
I have never heard the Lord audibly speak to me before this year. Which, has nothing to do with the world race but everything to do with the fact that I’m actually seeking Him and listening to him more than I ever have before.
Anyway, one night during our debrief we had begun worship and they left it open to worship in whatever way you want to. Standing, sitting, dancing, laying down….whatever. Well my feet were still really hurting because I hadn’t really given them any rest so I decided to sit during worship because the thought of standing literally almost made me want to cry from the idea of the pain. As I was sitting there in my chair, on a rooftop in Cambodia the Lord spoke to me. It shook me to my core. It wasn’t condemning, it wasn’t harsh, it was a sincere inquiry as to my faith in Him and where my priorities lay. Almost like a whisper he said to me “Am I not worth it Kierstin?” In that moment I had a choice to make, a question to answer. Was He worth some temporary pain? No matter how severe. He said I was worth it. He didn’t have to die for me, He didn’t have to get spit on or laughed at. He didn’t have to endure the pain of a nail piercing through his hands and feet. But He did. Because I was worth it.
Yes Lord, you’re worth it.
I signed up for the world race last year laying these things down. I said yes. I said “whatever the cost Lord. I’ll serve you in any and every way I can. No matter the cost.”
The Lord didn’t heal my feet or even bring any temporary relief in Cambodia and I know at least one reason why. He wanted to teach me something. I needed to shift my perspective.
So I leave you with this…. Serving Jesus can be painful. And it’s not comfortable. You might be in pain emotionally, physically, or even mentally. But the thing is, it’s worth it. He is worth it.
