*I wrote this post while I was still in India, and totally forgot that I wrote it until now. I am now in Nepal at month 1 debrief with my entire squad for a few days before we head to our ministry site. I’ll have videos posted soon!*
As I sit here in my hammock hung inside a beautiful park in India and reflect on this past week here are some of the biggest things that come to mind.
Month one has been hard. But so great.
1. I’ve been working with children with mental and physical disabilities and special needs. Each day spent with them is a day filled with joy, laughter, fun times but also a ton of questions from my heart calling out to the Lord.
“Why did you place me here?”
“Why can’t these kids get the proper medical attention like they could in the states?”
“What is their purpose in life God?”
There is a little girl here who cannot speak, or walk. She can move her arms but not the way most people do, she can communicate through grunts and pointing toward things with her head and sometimes her hand. She is so sweet and so smart. Yesterday I sat in front of her and cried because I just don’t understand and I felt so angry.
Why is it that I was born to a loving family, in America where there is great medical care and with no physical disabilities that hinder me from doing normal everyday activities like walking, talking or picking something up. I have a fully functioning brain, working eyes and ears! Why? And of all of that, why would God call me here to India to work with these girls? I don’t know even in the least bit what they are going through.
2. I miss my family like crazy
This week I was questioning myself more than once. “What on earth did I just get myself into?” I’ve been out of the country 3 times before, all three times were for no more than a week. Twice I was on missions trips and once was for a vacation with friends. But I knew that at the end of that week I was going home. That’s not the case here. I’m here for 10 more months. For real, what did I get myself into?
Don’t get me wrong, I’m so excited!! But also a little petrified.
3. I’ve cried a bit..
I’m an emotional person so I cry easily and I’ve cried a few times since being here, one of those times being yesterday while my team and I were talking about how things have been for us. It is crazy because 6 girls that really didn’t know each other prior to the race starting a few weeks ago were just thrown into a home, to live together, do ministry together and basically be together 24/7. I was discouraged and frustrated because I wasn’t totally being myself around them. I’ve gotten much better since I admitted that to my team but they reassured me that it’s difficult. We’re strangers and we can’t expect to immediately act like best friends. These girls, as great as they are, are not my best friends. I have best friends back home in multiple states. They know what my personality is like, they know what to say when I’m sad, they know when I’m not being myself or when I’m in a bad mood.
I want to develop deeper relationships with my teammates and I know I will. But that doesn’t happen with the snap of a finger. Having said all of that, these girls are amazing and I’m so excited to get to know them better and serve with them this year!!
4. India is amazing. This country amazes me every day, it’s beautiful in such a unique way and I’m so happy to be here. India was the country I was most excited for and it definitely has not disappointed.
5. Since writing my last blog I have had so many opportunities to spend with the kids here. In fact, I spent 4 hours with them every day this week which was not only a blessing but also so much fun! We got to play games with them, dance, sing and just hang out. I’m so thankful that the Lord gave us that time with them and I hope we brought some extra joy into their lives!
6. The world race has been incredible to say the least, It’s only been 3 weeks and it’s absolutely harder than I imagined but it is such a blessing and the Lord is breaking my heart, molding me, shaping me and teaching me everyday and I couldn’t be more excited for the next 10 months ahead of me!
These thoughts are a bit scattered and all over the place but I hope this gives you a bit more insight into my life here on the race and what’s been on my heart.
