You’re going to think I’m crazy… And I’m okay with that. My job isn’t to make anyone who supports me, follows my blog, or knows me, “get” what I just went through at training camp.
I only pray that you have an open heart to hear what I say and someday believe that God is the God of yesterday, today, tomorrow, and forever, and that His love is REAL, ALIVE, and READY to fill you.
To begin, the phrase: “What the heck am I getting myself into?” Crossed my mind many times, because the last 7 days were such a whirlwind of emotion, learning, spiritual growth, and much more. Here’s why…
I have never CRIED so much in my life,
never been so thankful to be BROKEN,
never been so STRETCHED in such a short period of time,
never experienced such HONESTY with myself, with Jesus, and others,
and I’ve never experienced such COMMUNITY as I did these past 7 days.
I learned that I am a…
BROKEN
SICK
EXPECTATION FILLED
FALLEN
RISK-FREE
SPIRITUALLY CONTENT
Individual in the world.
But I am learning that God called me to be a…
HEALED
FULL OF LIFE
AGENDA FREE
REDEEMED
SOLD OUT FOR HIM
ASKING FOR MORE FROM HIM
Child of His
I didn’t know I had so many expectations of certain things until they were broken down…
I didn’t know I had things to grieve in my past until tears were streaming down my face talking about them…
I didn’t know that True holiness is not ‘cleaning up your act.’ It is the recognition that we are utterly powerless to ‘clean up your act’ forcing us to come toChrist in complete brokenness…
I DIDN’T KNOW THAT DEEP DOWN I ACTUALLY DID NOT BELIEVE GOD LOVED ME UNTIL I SPOKE THE WORDS ALOUD!
Hold up. Rewind. I didn’t believe God loved me??
I KNOW God loves me (pointing to my brain), but I realized during camp I couldn’t say that I KNOW He loves me (pointing to my heart). I walked into training camp, and am still wrestling with, believing that God doesn’t love me. I am trying to EARN, DESERVE, ATTAIN, His love by my own holiness, my good deeds, and my own sanctification.
Damn.
But, through this 7 day process, and for the next year of my life, I absolutely believe that God is going to show me His love for me (and others) beyond what I deserve, could ask for, or ever attain because of Jesus.
And I’ll probably cry more.
I believe more now than ever before in the power of God. And, I want to know more, and want everyone to know what I know. I want to see God heal people through my team and I, I want to see God’s love poured out like a waterfall over all we come to know, and I DON’T WANT God to stop rocking my world.
Believe I’m crazy? Just wait for this next year.
