I know I just posted a blog, but hey you get another!
What a whirlwind debrief has been. I didn’t expect for one my biggest spiritual lessons to happen 25 days or so into the Race, and for it to not happen at ministry.
So it all started last month when I had my teammates and I spend some time writing a letter to someone they needed to forgive or say something positive to, and it could be to themselves or another person who they could write to. And the whole reason I decided to do something like this was because I needed to write a letter to someone.
My mom.
I won’t go into my whole story, but basically the reason I felt the Spirit pressing in on my heart to write the letter of forgiveness to my mom was because of something that happened when I was 7 that I never really forgave her for. In general, I never really forgave her for the three years we lived in Florida and I felt like I had to become an adult at a young age.
We never talked about that time or those years.
I felt wounded from her and harbored it, for over 10 years.
And every time I tell my story I feel the wounds open up a little again.
But I knew I needed to forgive her because I knew she had regrets from that time, even if we never talked about it, and there needed to be freedom for her and for me. So I wrote the letter, feeling lighter and lighter as the words came out of my pen, and then I decided I actually needed to send it to her. And finally with having a decent amount of wifi this week I composed an email, prayed she’d receive it well and clicked send.
Within a matter of hours she responded. And with her response, it was nothing short of an answer to prayer and many tears. Forgiveness was received and in return given back for my sins held against her.
I literally saw God starting to stitch up those wounds, and I couldn’t help but be so overjoyed.
Heading off to worship with my squad a couple hours later, I didn’t really have any intention of sharing what had happened, even though it was such a God thing, but God ended up having different plans, as He usually does. After a few songs played, I felt free, joyful, and alive, and that’s when the Spirit decided I needed to let out something else. “God, Help me forgive my Dad!” I cried out of nowhere in the middle of worship. OH shoot! And I burst into tears (Apparently I cry a lot). But I knew that the person who I needed to forgive even more so than my mom and who I was more afraid of giving forgiveness to was my own father.
At the same moment, our squad mentor came over to me as I’m sobbing and simply said to me “I feel like the Lord is telling me you have more to say, you don’t have to say it but that’s just what I’m getting from Him.” And I knew I did. I knew I had to share about what God had done with my mom, and that I deeply desired for the same to happen with my dad. So, I told my whole squad. And what happened after that was deeply moving.
The Spirit let His work unleash and so many people loosed chains of unforgiveness in their lives. It was so beautiful and amazing.
But that wasn’t it. After unleashing all my tears from my past wounds with my dad, I forgave him aloud in that room. I forgave him more with each minute that passed. I was finally forgiving my dad after years and years of harboring so many hurts and pain.
As soon as worship was over I knew I needed to write a letter to my dad, telling him exactly what was on my heart and the forgiveness I needed/wanted to give to him. I wrote furiously on my computer, scribbling everything I knew I needed to say, holding nothing back. Praying that God would cover my words, fill them forgiveness, and fill him with understanding.
I have fully and freely forgiven my dad, knowing that it wasn’t me, it was Christ in me, but in turn I get to be healed from it! And that’s the beauty, that forgiveness would have never come to me if I had done it on my own, if I hadn’t reflected on the fact that Christ already died for that and how could I NOT respond to such a beautiful story of forgiveness for ME and all MY junk?? On my own I can’t do it. But Christ can and He did.
I don’t know about you, but for me forgiveness is healing, freeing, and ridiculously hard. But with Christ in me, I can follow Him and be guaranteed that His love will cover what is difficult or when it doesn’t always turn out like I expect it. But if my God would die on a cross for ME, in FORGIVENESS of my sins, why wouldn’t I respond to that? Because unforgiveness only hurts one person, me. And it grieves my amazing God.
I’m done being offended by my past “daddy issues” or troubles with mom, because I’ve forgiven them and asked to be forgiven. God is so good and so amazing, and I get to be apart of declaring His glory in this. How cool is that?
Headed off for Swaziland tomorrow, and probably won’t see wifi for the month!! SO CHEERS!!!
X
