“Can’t”: the Dirty Word

Right?
 

For years I had to do push ups in gymnastics every time I said, "I can't" or was scolded by my mom, my teachers, professors, etc if those words ever leaked out of my mouth. 

Well, when considering what I am about to embark on regarding the World Race,
I will argue that it most definitely IS NOT.

When I first thought about doing the World Race my thoughts were kind of all over the place, because I didn't think it was realistic, it seemed so radical, it was expensive and it wasn't doing anything with my college degree, gaining work experience, or earning money. But when I surrendered to the truth that God can do ALL things through me and for His Glory I was hooked in.

But the initial "yes," to go began to look so much easier than the reality of the logistics to get there. And the initial doubts I had came creeping back in, and $15,500 seemed to be a daunting task rather than a motivating challenge. Instead of surrendering to the mystery of the process I wanted to ask a bunch of questions and became burdened by the deadlines, the tasks, the lists. 

 

Do This.

 Do This.

Do This.
 

Then, I felt heavy. And I began ask How Lord, How Lord, HOW LORD?

Trust issues raised their ugly head. I battled the Father in my mind asking HIM all those questions, but then I began to realize, "it's not God I don't trust. It's PEOPLE." People to fork over money, blindly and willingly, trusting that I would do something good with it. I realized I live in a country where people are more willing to buy $7 coffee everyday, spending somewhere between $150-$200 a MONTH on java, but hesitate to give $150 to the mission of a young 23 year old girl with a determined heart to see God's people around the world.

I felt myself growing bitter, disheartened towards people and the process, DOOMING THE PROCESS BEFORE EVEN I STARTED! So most unnaturally to my more motivated self, I simply said, "I can't."

But the "I can't" became purposeful. NO push-ups for me.

I realized like I had never realized before that the "I can't" became an opportunity to say, "I can't, but Lord YOU CAN." And it's true. I can't raise $15,500 on my own, I can't expect people to trust me, a stranger to their money, I can't work hard enough or long enough to see my account go from $0 to $15,500 in 8 months. AND THAT'S OKAY. 

My Heavenly Father KNEW this was going to happen, He knew I would struggle, He knew I'd be here, He KNOWS I can't. But the best news is that HE gets the glory and joy to work through my weaknesses, my disbelief, my "can't's" in order to make HIS name known and to make it a "can." 

I get the opportunity to lean harder on the Lord, be willing to ask for help, and trust that He will provide; whether that be indeed through people's generosity, my own labor, or whatever it looks like, He will provide. 

My HOPE & TRUST are found in the Lord, not in man, not in the process, and most definitely not in me.