Heal
‘hel
It has become apparent that the word healing has become a reoccurring theme in my life. The word itself is defined many different ways. As an adjective it is, growing sound; getting well; or mending. As a verb, “to heal” is to make sound or whole and restore back to health. All are different literal meanings yet they resonate so deeply with me.
It seems like forever now that I have been in a season of internal healing. The journey? Well lets just say it’s taking way longer than expected. The main reason you may ask? It’s because I have decided to try and bypass the really hard things like, I don’t know, allowing God to completely wreck me and start a fresh in me and instead went straight to things that gave instant results of relief but in the end left me more broken than before. In this time I chose not to trust. I instead chose to help relieve pain in any way that I could without actually fixing the core of the problem. A bandaid for the gashing wound that didn’t do anything but leave room for infection. Malcolm X once said, “If you stick a knife nine inches into my back and pull it out three inches, that is not progress. Even if you pull it all the way out, that is not progress. Progress is healing the wound, and America hasn’t even begun to pull out the knife.” While this is discussing race relations in America in the 1960’s I can see this so evident in my life too. I day after day have just continued to ignore the knife of pain and hurt in my heart pretending that it would just magically go away without taking the knife out. Fear kept me from healing. The fear of the pain that came along with digging deep into my soul to fix the internal problems that leave me broken and afraid. This pain just seemed unbearable compared to the pain that I just had learned to live with, the pain that had been there for so long that it was seen as a form of comfort.
While sitting at the feet of The Creator, he revealed the dagger within me through art and took me back the past year of my life and showed me how I had tried “fixing myself” instead of allowing him to heal me fully and completely.This “fixing myself” if you want to call it that, appeared to be the best solution, it seemed to be the thing that would mend my broken heart. Yet atlast, it left me even more broken and exposed than I was before. It seems like the Devil gives us this illusion time and time again that the things of this world will give us what we are searching for and even for just a moment we believe the lie, yet as we lay awake in bed at 3:00 A.M. wide eyed and alone, we realize how empty this world continues to leave us.
Psalm 107:19-20 states,“Then they cried to the Lord in their trouble, and he saved them from their distress. He sent out his word and healed them; he rescued them from their grave.” Even just reading this verse my soul feels ever bit more whole than the things the world gave me to fill the void. To every precious soul out there, please take The Creator’s hand and let him heal you, no matter how scary or painful it may appear to be, his healing is real and everlasting and it will set you free of the sorrows that the world gives you day in and day out. Choose him. He’s worth it every time.
