this feels so weird and surreal!! i honestly had so many doubts that this opportunity would ever exist, and i thought if it did, there was no chance i would ever find a way to be part of it. it has been a YEAR. can we all just agree on that? i honestly have been asking the lord since i got home to remind me what it is to do life like a normal human being lol but what that looks like for me, specifically. because each of us is different, and only he will tell us what we actually need, ya know? and that goes x a million for this year.. idk man!! i don’t know!! it’s all just life! confusing and weird and hard and a million percent worth all that with the Lord 🙂
some logistical stuff: when my squad got the news our race would be ending about 5 months early last March, i stopped support raising. i didn’t do anything more with it because there were so many unanswered questions in my head and i didn’t feel right at all about continuing to put effort there without even knowing what was going to happen with the money you generously and humbly give. the day we heard i thought like, maybe there would be the possibility to go back out sometime in the future? i remember thinking, who can know anything because who can know the future of covid? but guys, i cracked the code haha GOD KNOWS. he knows exactly what it all will hold and what it means now and what it will all will mean someday. the enemy is currently going by the name covid19 and he has had everyone down at one point or another. and the only answer is getting closer to the Father.
ok tangent over!! when i got home, i had no idea what was going on haha we all just kinda waited for an update! we eventually got word that there had been kind of like a prorated number created for how much our cut-short trip shook out to cost. per the IRS and 501(c)(3) guidelines, any remaining funds went into an account that could be used toward another trip in the future or something in relation to AIM. the amount i had raised was right around that prorated number, so i have no account.
*i hope that made sense!*
there have been so many moving elements since then. we were told there could be a relaunch in the future, whether it a follow-up to our original race or a whole new trip wasn’t determined and there were no solid details attached. we didn’t get any dates, locations, or financial information. at this point, i was trying to get back in the swing of being home and i had missed home, friends, and family so i was just taking it slow to readjust and catch myself up to the speed of life in America. i honestly doubted that a relaunch would come and i doubted if it was the right thing at the time for me to be part of it, or that i would even be able to.
last week, we got the news that a relaunch had been approved for eSwatini and the dates, financial need, etc. all of it! which was the biggest SIGH OF RELIEF of my life haha, after 8 months wondering we finally had some real life, not in my head info!! but the wondering had gone on so long that i didn’t really consider what i would do when we actually knew what the options were.
i literally just asked God. i said “tell me what you want me to do.” because i felt like it wasn’t possible. i felt so scared of failing. and then i was sad that i was the kind of person who was scared of failing.
*sidenote: this isn’t the voice of the Father. this is thinking you’re a disappointment. something he will never ever feel about you or me.*
that’s when i felt like he wants me to try. i mean, first of all, he always wants us to go! i believe that he calls all of us to missions. it’s just a timing question and how to figure out living an abundant life with him while still laying it down and sacrificing what we have. but, that’s when i realized the only reason i wasn’t going to try was because of something that satan presents, NOT the lord at all. fear. and i think i just refuse to let him have that foothold. there are sooo many things more important than how i feel! the chance to ENCOURAGE. being able to offer my 2 working hands to people who certainly need it. just being a bright spot in someone else’s life and diversifying work to build and support the kingdom.
SO, here we are! i hope that answers any questions!! i would lovvvveeeee to answer any more. 🙂
there is a little margin for variation in these numbers based on things like plane tickets, currency rates, etc. but here’s the bare bones –
financial need: $4,400
leave date: January 19 (ish)
trip length: approximately 3 months
obviously this is a big financial need in a small amount of time, and life is a mess right now. the lord is walking me through what support raising during a pandemic looks like and to be honest, i have no idea what i’m doing. i just have to do what i think he has asked me to and i am hoping and praying and waiting to see how He works it out. i don’t actually know anything at all except he is GOOD and evangelistic and LOVE and he asks me to be the same!!
if you have ANY questions at all literally ever, please ASK THEM!! ask the holy spirit and please consider giving what you are able. 🙂 stay tuned!!!
