AYYYY I’m back. With many new updates and thoughts.
It’s been about a week since I got home from World Race training camp. I’m still processing those 10 days and how Holy Spirit moved in that time and how He has since I’ve been home. From day 1 to day 10 to now, it’s been wild and hard and so beautiful.
I showed up at training scared and clueless and overwhelmed. I kept hearing the enemy telling me lies. The same ones we all know.
“You don’t belong here.”
“You’re not like these people.”
“You can’t do this.”
I really can’t remember ever feeling more unequipped for anything before in my life. I could feel the lies putting cracks in my spirit. And that was day 1-3ish for me; Knowing I wasn’t okay but pretending everything was chill. We camped 2 to a tent because half of us “lost” our luggage. I took a bucket of cold water, dumped it over my head and called it a shower. We used chopsticks or had to eat only with our left hand. Instead of being excited to try new things, they only pulled me more and more into the fear that I had no idea what I was doing.
On day 4, we Sabbathed. I ended up taking a walk and found the most secluded place I had been in 5 days. Jesus gifted this introvert with some alone time.
I sat down on the bench and asked. Begged for some kind of word that this was, in fact, where I was supposed to be. I sat there for a long time, thinking, and I eventually heard Holy Spirit’s tiniest whisper. He said “Your cracks are where the light gets in.”
The enemy wants us to stay broken. He wants us to think that we can’t do hard things. Or if we have to, he wants us to feel like we have to do them alone. He wants us to stay scared, avoiding discovery and growth.
BUT – The Lord literally chased me down when I was sitting on that bench alone during Sabbath. I felt His love and provision and protection for my heart. I heard Him saying that the only thing I need to have is a “yes.” If I keep showing up with an open heart, expectant and interruptible, He will continue to turn my fear into a desire to go deeper with Him. Because He does not give us a spirit of fear (2 Timothy 1:7).
Something shifted. I found a lot of freedom realizing that He has given me authority over worry that I can’t handle the race or life, in general. I am supplied for the journey ahead of me because my shepherd FIGHTS FOR ME. He enters in. Constantly.
It seemed like everything was an opportunity from then on. We camped in the Georgia humidity. We listened to some of the most insightful, spirit-led speakers. We learned and practiced normalities from other cultures. We saw God physically heal. My tent flooded from rain. Worship was more lit than any I have ever been a part of. We went into the community to seek moments to evangelize and expand the kingdom. We hiked 2 miles with a full pack. We did an India marketplace simulation. We competed in games as a squad. We laughed. We cried. We smelled. I got baptized. My 20-person squad went from strangers to family.
It’s weird how fullness can come when you strip everything back. I didn’t have a real shower or a bed or cold water or so many of the regularities I take for granted at home. And somehow, I’ve never felt so sustained. I could hear God saying to me, “more.” He wants me to go further. To depend on Him more than I ever have. To be closer to Him than ever before.
I don’t know what He’s going to do. But I am excited to find out. First stop: Colombia!!
xo, kier
+ check out the official World Race video of our training camp: https://www.instagram.com/tv/B1eCPQWgzEh/?igshid=rge2qx40homw (IT’S SO COOL)
