I was so excited when I was accepted to go on the World Race. I remember the phone call full well. I was on the road home to Virginia to visit family and friends for a few days back in August and the call caught me off guard. I remember hanging up the phone, lifting my hand in praise (the other on the steering wheel), crying, and thanking the Lord for a new season about to unfold. It’s like when you’re on a hike and you come to a precipice of a cliff or an outlook and you can see the beautiful wide open space before you. In this case my imagination filled in.
Now, though, it is down to the nitty gritty. I am in no way a type-A person. I am naturally unorganized, scattered, and I have bad time management. My parents even called me “the tornado” growing up because I was infamous for leaving my things everywhere. Now, beginning the process of finding money for the World Race, I have to battle my natural tendencies. My job in Nashville has weird hours for me to work so I usually have mornings free and lately I have been filling my mornings with tasks and errands like: printing out countless fundraising letters, writing addresses on envelops, writing personal notes on fundraising letters, being upset with my bad handwriting, making phone calls, and planning small fundraising events.
The other day these errands brought me to Fido, a busy café/restaurant in the heart of Nashville. I grabbed a coffee, found a nice spot, and got back to work bettering my handwriting on these envelopes. Like I said, I am easily scattered and I found myself people watching for some time. I noticed this one man, not in line to order but sort of staring around at the counter and at customers, and to put it plainly he looked out of place. In spite of his polo he looked like he did not have much money. A few minutes later he came up to me and my obscure letter writing and shortly asked “sir do you have 5 dollars to spare for a sandwich or somethin’?” and quicker than I could think I replied with a shake of my head side to side and “no I don’t have any money to spare.” And it was true. Kind of. I didn’t have much to spare and I am by no means well off as a young adult…..but darn it I did have 5 dollars. The man walked off and asked someone else who replicated my denial, and then he left the building.
I don’t think I had ever regretted something so quickly. There are questions that arise immediately in your mind in moments like these and I had a few: “Why was I so quick to say no,” “When would this man’s next meal be,” “Where did he go,” “Why am I so selfish.” On top of it all, the letter writing I was doing was for fundraising – asking people for money, to help those need. Hi I am Kevin and I am a hypocrite. Gosh I felt so, so bad! I really did. I am an idiot. I am maybe the most unkind person out there. This was a chance to love that was squandered.
Okay I’m being a little extreme, but I wish I had done something different.
It strikes me though that I really, really do long for the day in my life where these hands of mine are as freely giving as they are freely receiving of the undeserving and unconditional love of Christ. Lord change me and mold me now.
“And the King will answer them, ‘Truly, I say to you, as you did it to one of the least of these my brothers, you did it to me.’ Matthew 25:40 ESV
This verse came to my mind immediately. I wonder why.
I promise I won’t be ending all my blog posts with a C.S. Lewis quote but let’s be real with each other, this man was wise. This quote is from his book The Great Divorce. It’s my favorite book of his. Please read it if you have a chance.
“There have been men before … who got so interested in proving the existence of God that they came to care nothing for God himself… as if the good Lord had nothing to do but to exist. There have been some who were so preoccupied with spreading Christianity that they never gave a thought to Christ.”
God, I am doing the World Race, but you are always at work and not just when I am on a mission trip. Help me to transfix my eyes on you through it all. This life is about You and Your work. This isn’t about me. The World Race is not my identity. Going to travel the world is not my identity. My identity is in Your son.
One more quote from The Great Divorce:
“There is no other day. All days are present now. This moment contains all moments.”
God, this adventure will be incredible, but I am here in this moment and your love is always at work. Help me to remember that and be a part of that now.
