This isn’t about field ministry or a callout for the American Church to wake up. This isn’t some devotional or bit of knowledge I recieved from God. This is just my real, unfiltered and raw thoughts of where I stand right now in my faith and missionary journey.
To say I’m struggling would be an understatement. I honestly have difficulty even talking with my team about anything. I’ve lost my heart in what I’m doing and weary if it’ll ever come back. I ask myself why I’m doing this and an answer slips my mind. I know God’s here somewhere, but where I’ve lost track. I’m lost in my ability to keep pretending like I think there’s hope for some people.
How can I look at someone’s daughter who has malaria and tell them everything is okay?
How do you tell someone who hasn’t eaten in who knows how long that God loves for them?
Why shouldn’t they steal if all they have to live on is a little more than a dollar a day?
How do I look in the eyes of a critically disabled teenager and declare God cared about them?
Who am I that gets to live in a house with floors, walls and solid roof?
What do you do when people offer up their children to you and others just want money to go to school?
These are just some of the issues my mind is weighed down by. I’d greatly appreciate any kind of encouragement you have. I try to press on but I’m becoming too broken down. Everything I’ve spoken of in previous blogs I meant in all its fullest but now I’m weak. So my prayer to myself is Matthew 5:3, “blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.”
