I’m so happy to finally be writing this blog, because the word REST has followed me for the entire Race so far. God has spoken it to me in every way possible, to the point where I was just mad at him because I felt like He was saying that my efforts towards rest weren’t good enough. I would say, “I am resting God!! I’m sitting around, I’m napping, I’m sleeping in, I’m watching movies, I’m reading, I’m doing NOTHING! What else do you want!“
Rest doesn’t mean not doing anything. It means I’m okay not doing ‘that’ because I’m doing THIS.
This month in the Philippines, my team was with one other team in a city up in the mountains near Manila, the Capitol. We had bunk beds in three rooms on the second floor of a building with wooden floors and a patio area outside of the rooms where we could all sit and hang out. When we arrived, I felt like I was back at summer camp somewhere in the States. The wooden furniture, the bathroom we shared, having all of my team in one room, and being cooked for all three meals each day. Our host, Rhyan, lived downstairs with his wife and 4 kids in a small room attached to the kitchen, clinic (a small office), and a big tile floor sanctuary where they now have started a church.
The building and entire set up was just amazing, and we loved having our own space upstairs to sleep, keep our packs, and spend time together and with the Lord! There was so much more to the place than this though. It is used for “Camp New Beginnings”, a weekend camp for boys living on the streets of Manila and surrounding areas.
These boys are brought out of the dump or streets they live on and up into this beautiful mountain refuge. There is a big field to play games on, trails through the tree covered mountains to hike up, a farm of animals such as goats, pigs, rabbits, and chickens, and a garden. Oh, and three newly born, adorable, puppies!!
Each day, we would wake up to Rhyan’s amazing Filipino cooking- he had been raised to be the one who did all the cooking in his family, so he had a lifetime of experience! We would get a “to do” list from him on things we could help with at the camp: repairing fences, digging holes to burn trash in, yard work, caring for the animals, helping with weekly pregnancy clinics, and getting things ready for the weekend the boys would come.
The boys were like the lost boys of Neverland to us, and each one of us was Wendy. [Well, except Paul, Matt, and Major… they were bros to them 😉 ] It became so clear so quick that we really had no way to fix all their problems. After two days of being with us, they would go back to where they were living until camp took place again the next month. Though this seems really hopeless, it wasn’t. It was more that we had to learn what it looks like to trust God and offer nothing but simple love! We played games, put up with their crude jokes, walked around, and played basketball with them. It seemed like we weren’t doing much, but the night before they left we had a campfire together that showed me that wasn’t true. The boys all rested on our laps and cried as we worshipped God with them under the stars. It was in that moment that I realized, “Wait a minute, Satan! I am NOT doing everything wrong! My time with them is not meaningless! God is working in their hearts when I simply offer His love and presence to them!” As we shared prayer requests, each one of them spoke out of the depth of their hearts:
“For my parents to stop hurting each other.”
“For my brother to stop using drugs.”
“For me to love and forgive my family.”
I immediately thought of the way we tend to use prayer requests to gossip in America sometimes. “For so and so to make better choices.” “For so and so because she’s pregnant out of marriage.”
And not only that, but thinking about how I pray sometimes- all about my “problems” with wanting direction in life. It really hit me that these little boys were not praying that God would give them a new bike, a house so they had somewhere to live, or even for a meal! They were praying for their family’s salvation! WOAH.
I’m challenged to think- am I praying for what God wants and what God sees in other people’s hearts? Do I really care about the things that matter?
I would want to say that if I was in the middle of an ocean storm, I would not pray for God to helicopter me out of it. But I would pray for my faith to strengthen as I look down and realize that HE is my anchor in the storm! Even if he doesn’t lift me out of it, He is in the depths of it with me.
So, Rest.
As I held one of the three little puppies at the camp, she kept tossing around and spazzing out, which she didn’t always do. I held her up under her arms out in front of me and stared her in the eye as she froze, having nothing to kick against. I said “Boo! (her name), will you just STOP! I’m trying to hold you! Just let me hold you for a minute and stop fighting me!”
BOOM- This is exactly what God said to me in that moment too:
“KERRY! Will you stop trying to make things happen! Stop fighting, moving around, and kicking, and just let me hold you for a minute! I’ve got you!”
I saw rest in these young boys who live on the streets with no one to provide for them or call them family more than I’ve seen in myself. It’s like they were able to just enjoy where they were without being distracted by where they weren’t, because they knew where they were was SO much better.
It’s so easy for me to think “there”, “then”, and “when I get there” is better than where I am. Thinking that way has kept me from really being at rest with God.
Anxiety is chaos of the mind, and chaos is the completely opposite of WHO GOD IS. So living in anxiety is choosing to deny who God is in your thoughts!
I don’t know about you, but I have definitely been there. Very often.
But God’s presence in our thoughts is the opposite of anxiety- it’s complete trust and peace. It’s choosing to silence the lies that make you worry, and rest in what God’s truth is instead.
So this mysterious “rest” I’ve been trying to figure out, was sitting inside of me while I jumped around trying to find it.
God is rest!
He is order.
He is delicate, kind, passionate love.
He wants us to know who we are in Him.
And walking in that quiet confidence is walking in rest.
“You liberate me from my own voice and my own chaos.
From the chains of a lesser love, you set me free.
In the silence of the heart, you speak.
In the silence of the heart, you speak.
And it is THERE that I will know, that you alone BE.
You satisfy me til I am quiet and confident.
In the work of your spirit.”
–Audrey Assad, ‘You Speak’
