Don’t you love waking up in the morning, with a song in your heart? Today, I woke up with the song from Jesus Culture, “Your love never fails. The line that says, “you make all things work together for my good” hit a chord in my heart.
Lately, I have been searching for more of God. I want to get into deeper levels with Him and to understand his love for me completely. I know I don’t get it and still it’s within my grasp, because He extends it mercifully.
My last night in Cambodia, I was invited out to a worship night with few of my squad mates. My teammates decided not to go. I walked into that night broken and burdened with a load, in which I thought it was for my team.
Casondra, my dearest friend, was asked to sing (spontaneously), but I didn’t know that she was actually asked to sing over me. Her words penetrated my heart so deeply that I fell to the ground weeping. I was overwhelmed with such sorrow and a squad mate came to me and said, Kerry, what are you holding onto that you need to let go. Immediately, I repented of my pride and asked the Lord to forgive me for not being an instrument of truth. I was holding back from my team and refusing to walk with them on their journey with the Holy Spirit.
I had no idea I was holding back because I was angry with the Lord for changing my team. I thought that this change would be good for me. Cambodia though was suppose to be my month, so I thought, and it broke me that I was in the middle of nowhere with people I didn’t know and who didn’t even know me.
All along, there was God, saying to me, Kerry, I was there even in the midst of your sadness, I was there when there was no words to pray, I was there when you hid yourself in the darkness, I was there when you tried to mask your pain, I was there when the thunder grew much louder, I was there when Satan tried to take my place. I was there. I was there and I am with you still!
Why is it so hard sometimes for me to grasp the infinite love of Jesus? Even when I disappoint or fail Him, He continues to love me. I was called to my team, Citizens of Hope, to encourage and walk with my teammates into fullness of Christ’s presence. I am no expert of the fullness of God and haven’t even come close to tasting it, but I am supposed to run the race with my teammates. Instead, I tried to do it on my own. Pride never gets you anywhere; that is the honest truth.
Even now, despite all I still need to learn; I can say that Jesus, “you make all things work together for my good.”
Being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus. Philippians 1:6
