OK we have all had one of those
days, weeks or even months. When it seems like nothing is going right.
days, weeks or even months. When it seems like nothing is going right.
Well I have to say in the last
few weeks, I have experienced some major boo boo’s on my pride. No matter how
hard I have tried to get out of the spiraling vortex, it seems to me I get
pushed even farther. I have come to conclusion that God is using it to bring me
low and I mean really LOW.
few weeks, I have experienced some major boo boo’s on my pride. No matter how
hard I have tried to get out of the spiraling vortex, it seems to me I get
pushed even farther. I have come to conclusion that God is using it to bring me
low and I mean really LOW.
First thing to know, since my
time when I was on the World Race and especially in my last leg of the race, I
suffered with a difficult illness that comes every so often. It is one that
likes to pop up at the most inconvenient times and get me down.
time when I was on the World Race and especially in my last leg of the race, I
suffered with a difficult illness that comes every so often. It is one that
likes to pop up at the most inconvenient times and get me down.
The last two weeks have been
quite difficult for me with this and I have been praying non-stop for healing.
I believe that God loves me; I am His daughter, His prize possession and He IS
HEALING ME!!! I may not see it right away, but still He is faithful. However,
when it pops up I get absolutely miserable. Well inwardly I have been
miserable, but in the last couple days it has sharply came out in my attitude
and quick words.
quite difficult for me with this and I have been praying non-stop for healing.
I believe that God loves me; I am His daughter, His prize possession and He IS
HEALING ME!!! I may not see it right away, but still He is faithful. However,
when it pops up I get absolutely miserable. Well inwardly I have been
miserable, but in the last couple days it has sharply came out in my attitude
and quick words.
The crazy thing is that through
all of this, I have committed my time to the Lord. I wanted to seek His face
and bask in His love. Yet I have all these crappy things coming up to the
surface and all I want to do is get a baseball bat and beat it until it is
black and blue.
all of this, I have committed my time to the Lord. I wanted to seek His face
and bask in His love. Yet I have all these crappy things coming up to the
surface and all I want to do is get a baseball bat and beat it until it is
black and blue.
Have you ever
been so angry that you just don’t know what to do about it?
been so angry that you just don’t know what to do about it?
Well I have no idea who I am
angry with God, Satan, other people or me? It’s quite confusing.
angry with God, Satan, other people or me? It’s quite confusing.
Anyways, through all these CRAZY
emotions I have done the most typical “saving face” mistakes. Pretending
everything is OK, that I am strong and I don’t need anyone, and all I need is
Jesus. This last statement is true, but there is something about community that
God uses to bring healing in some dark and creepy places.
emotions I have done the most typical “saving face” mistakes. Pretending
everything is OK, that I am strong and I don’t need anyone, and all I need is
Jesus. This last statement is true, but there is something about community that
God uses to bring healing in some dark and creepy places.
Now the next two stories are
somewhat funny, but it has seriously brought me even closer of being real and
getting over myself.
somewhat funny, but it has seriously brought me even closer of being real and
getting over myself.
Just the other day a bunch of us were
walking through the woods to get to an open field. We spent some time resting
in the long grass, soaking up the autumn sun and listening to Al Alkimoff
stories of the beginnings of YWAM. It was absolutely wonderful!
walking through the woods to get to an open field. We spent some time resting
in the long grass, soaking up the autumn sun and listening to Al Alkimoff
stories of the beginnings of YWAM. It was absolutely wonderful!
On our way back without me
noticing because I was too busy talking, I tripped on broken wire fencing and
literally knock the silly out of me. I don’t know what happened, but I ended up
in a ball of a mess laughing my heart out because there was nothing else to do,
but to laugh. Many people offered their hands to bring me up, but I simply
brushed it off saying, “I am fine.”
noticing because I was too busy talking, I tripped on broken wire fencing and
literally knock the silly out of me. I don’t know what happened, but I ended up
in a ball of a mess laughing my heart out because there was nothing else to do,
but to laugh. Many people offered their hands to bring me up, but I simply
brushed it off saying, “I am fine.”
Second incident happened last
night. I was at the dinner table and one of the men left something behind. I
started to make my way to the spiraling staircase. I called out to the person,
but there was no answer. I stepped down and I somewhat slipped, although I
caught my grip. I had a thought, ” if I go down these steps I will fall.” Well
I continued to proceed and halfway down the stairs I lost complete control and
fell, “thump, thump, thump,” all the way to the bottom. All the men saw me run
away in shame and again I pretended everything was OK.
night. I was at the dinner table and one of the men left something behind. I
started to make my way to the spiraling staircase. I called out to the person,
but there was no answer. I stepped down and I somewhat slipped, although I
caught my grip. I had a thought, ” if I go down these steps I will fall.” Well
I continued to proceed and halfway down the stairs I lost complete control and
fell, “thump, thump, thump,” all the way to the bottom. All the men saw me run
away in shame and again I pretended everything was OK.
What has been injured? Only my
pride! I have fallen twice in two days in front of everyone. Not only that I
have come to the point when why not let the world see.
pride! I have fallen twice in two days in front of everyone. Not only that I
have come to the point when why not let the world see.
So this is me, a wonderful messed
up, beautiful woman of God. I may not have it all together, yet I know without
a shadow of doubt that my Father loves me and He is working on me to
completion.
up, beautiful woman of God. I may not have it all together, yet I know without
a shadow of doubt that my Father loves me and He is working on me to
completion.
I guess the moral of the story is
do not fall. If it were that easy then Adam and Eve wouldn’t have a problem.
Just kidding, seriously now we all go through times of difficulties, times
where we honestly do not have the answers. The questions remain lingering, why
am I sick? Will God heal me? Will I ever be able to be financially free? Will
God hear my prayer? Will I ever get out of this pit?
do not fall. If it were that easy then Adam and Eve wouldn’t have a problem.
Just kidding, seriously now we all go through times of difficulties, times
where we honestly do not have the answers. The questions remain lingering, why
am I sick? Will God heal me? Will I ever be able to be financially free? Will
God hear my prayer? Will I ever get out of this pit?
I have learned even with sickness
or health that God is my refuge, my fortress, my hiding place and my shield.
or health that God is my refuge, my fortress, my hiding place and my shield.
I really appreciate what Paul
says in Philippians 4:4-9NLT, “Always be full of joy in the Lord. I say it
again-rejoice! Let everyone see that you are considerate in all you do.
Remember, the Lord is coming soon. Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray
about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done.
Then you will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand.
His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus. And
now, dear brothers and sisters, one final thing. Fix your thoughts on what is
true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable. Think
about things that are excellent and worthy of praise. Keep putting into
practice all you learned and received from me-everything you heard from me and
saw me doing. Then the God of peace will be with you.”
says in Philippians 4:4-9NLT, “Always be full of joy in the Lord. I say it
again-rejoice! Let everyone see that you are considerate in all you do.
Remember, the Lord is coming soon. Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray
about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done.
Then you will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand.
His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus. And
now, dear brothers and sisters, one final thing. Fix your thoughts on what is
true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable. Think
about things that are excellent and worthy of praise. Keep putting into
practice all you learned and received from me-everything you heard from me and
saw me doing. Then the God of peace will be with you.”
Who are you leaning upon when
things go sour?
things go sour?
Proverbs 3:5-12 (MSG)
“Trust God from the bottom of
your heart; don’t try to figure out everything on your own. Listen for God’s
voice in everything you do, everywhere you go; he’s the one who will keep you
on track. Don’t assume that you know it all. Run to God! Run from evil! Your
body will glow with health; our very bones will vibrate with life! Honor God
with everything you own; give him the first and the best. Your barns will burst, your wine
vats will brim over. But don’t, dear friend, resent God’s discipline; don’t
sulk under his loving correction. It’s the child he loves that God corrects; a
father’s delight is behind all this.”
