Adventures WorldRace SethBarnes Sponsorship Giving

| by archiveworldraceblogs

I can say that this month so far has been the hardest month for me personally. I’ve been stretched, kicked in the butt and challenged in my faith so many times that my ego has been bruised. I thought I knew who I was. I thought I knew what I stood for. I’m realizing there is still much I don’t understand about myself- about who God has created me to be and why he has created me. I know it’s for His purposes but I still often wonder why he would choose me. I still need to understand how to except His love.

 

In the past two weeks I’ve been able to speak into everyone’s lives except my own. A few days ago I mentioned to people, “Why can’t other people prophesy to me?” Because I haven’t been prophesied over, I wondered why- do people not like me? I know those are lies. 
During prayer time two days ago God brought me to I Corinthians 13, but only the first three verses. God has given me all those wonderful gifts but do I really know love? Have I really accepted love? God said, “Stop holding on to your heart so tightly.” That was really tough to hear because I know that I still hold grudges and I still feel distant from my Heavenly Father at times. There is a part of me that still wonders where He was all those years when I felt abandoned and alone. 

I went to worship that night. I enjoyed as usual- singing my songs and dancing my dance. I sat on those chairs when it was time for someone to speak. I knew the topic was heading towards love and I didn’t want to hear it. Then the speaker pointed to me asking me to come up. I was shocked, angry and embarrassed. I didn’t want it to be noticed and I didn’t want anyone to speak into my life, especially in front of anyone else. She said these simple words, “God loves you and he never left you. I feel a lot of men have been poor examples to you, that they have let you down. But God has never let you down.” It was simple words but it broke my heart because it was the truth.

I left angry instead of accepting those words. The whole night I was lying in my bed trying to escape those words. God said to me, “How can you escape my love when I’ve been with you from the beginning and will be with you till the end?” 

So right now I’m in the process of healing. I’ve already gone through a lot of freedom in healing but I recognize I’m in the midst of being processed and conformed to the likeness of Him.

If my only lesson this year is to learn how to love like He loves then I accept the challenge.