I have a job…. but is it my destiny?
I am listening to song, “Dance with me” by Jesus Culture right now. I
remember listening to this song over and over again in my 7th month in
Tanzania. The Lord was pulling me closer to His side and romancing me during a
time/season of prayer. My heart was broken for the people in Africa. I saw so
much of the enemy that my heart could not take another second, unless I was on
my knees in prayer.
Everyday I went to the throne room of God to ASK. Matthew 7:7 “Keep on asking,
and you will receive what you ask for. Keep on seeking, and you will find. Keep
on knocking, and the door will be opened to you.” (NLT)
I asked the Lord to move…to get rid of poverty… to strip away the evil men
who are strip away women’s dignity and rights… to heal the broken and sick
bodies… and the set the captives free.
Currently, I cannot bring myself to ask. I am consumed with getting the answers
that I need. Instead I should be concerned about the world in need, which needs a
savior. I left my heart in the nations and been buried alive in the riches of
this great land of North America.
Today, I was watching the promo for Awakening 2011 and there I was speaking
about how God has changed me. “I am no longer this shy little girl, who is
afraid to speak to people about the gospel of Jesus Christ.”
I cannot shake the feeling that I am missing out. I want more for my life then
this. I not only want to mobilize my generation, but prepare the church to be
ready for Jesus return.
In my 10th month in Czech Republic I organized a Night Watch for INOP
(International Night Of Prayer). It was incredible because we came to seek Him
and God came crashing in.
That night I realized how much God loves and I mean LOVES when His people
gather and worship Him. I heard once faith is when you step towards God and
He meets with you in the middle. Next, you collide together and become ONE and
that is FAITH. God met with us in the middle… in middle of marriages, storms,
pain and heartache.
A couple weeks ago I had a talk with my pastor to debrief about my WR trip. It
was phenomenal time of sharing. If you know me, then you know that I love
leading worship. While talking to my pastor I had a breakthrough. I blurted
out, “I do not want to be a worship pastor, because I know I will
suffocate and burn out.” For 10 years all I have heard was, “Kerry
you should be a worship pastor,” “Kerry this is your destiny why are
you not a pastor?” I felt a huge burden of the expectation of being a
pastor someday.
I thought being a pastor was my destiny. I remember telling my squad leader Noe
about this in Romania and Noe gently replied, “Kerry you are not ready for
it.” I was annoyed at first, but I have to agree that he is right. My
pastor continued to say,“that God has called to be a pioneer, to begin
something new and often this is a lonely job.”
Last Sunday, the Holy Spirit prompted me to lead a time of worship and
intercession at my church. Only 10-20 people showed up. I will admit I was a
little disappointed about the numbers, but kept going because I was there to
seek the Lord. However, something
was different. It was nothing like the churches overseas. Their hunger for God
is evident, visible and it burns with holy reverence.
So my question is how do you transform a dry church, to a hot church? Where
every single person is impacted because they met Jesus!
I know I am at a crossroad in my life. I love my church, community and job. I
will admit I love making money again. However, Is this my mission?
I personally want to see soul’s saved and communities transformed by the power
of God’s love.
So I will wait and be still in the mist of chaos, for I want to hear the
sweetness of my Father’s voice. When He tells me to go, I will leap for joy.
Until then please pray that I will open my mouth and ASK once again.
