Long time no see. I’ve hesitated to write a blog over the past month because I have been processing a lot of internal revelation and have been battling spiritual warfare in a magnitude of which I have yet to encounter.
I’m back baby.
I wanted to talk about a few of the main moments of ministry that the Lord has shown His hand in, especially because one of my main struggles is that I haven’t felt like I have done enough and that I need to be doing more to further the kingdom. I’ve been reminded again and again that it is my delight for Him to partner with me, even if it is just for a smile or a hello, and that I need to exalt Him in that. Don’t worry, my next blog post will spill what the Lord has spoken to me through that.
Buckle up, and check out how Abba has so faithfully shown His glory in places that the enemy wanted to declare unpurposeful.
We spent a weekend in Suan Phung, specifically in a beautiful village in the valley of the mountains. The children in the village made such an impact on my heart, and the Lord provided me with the energy to play with them nonstop. For 12 straight hours on Saturday, I played with them, hours of it without my teammates (they rock but were rightfully exhausted), and I honestly had such an amazing and lighthearted time casting aside my worries and being a little kid again. However, the enemy tried to distill a lie in my head that since I didn’t share the Gospel with them, that what I did had no influence, meaning, or power. I wrestled so hard with regret after I left because of that. Yet, knowing my father and how good He is, He revealed to me so much truth and humility. He chose me to be the one that played with them the entire day, me. I don’t deserve that honor, but my pride told me that it was useless. It is our privilege to partner with the Lord, and hearing His voice tell me that those children will grow up to remember the girl that played with them all day and they will see the passion and steadfastness of His love for them. I’m so lucky.
Secondly, we spent a lot of time teaching English to middle school-aged children. Since I apparently look like a KPOP star, the girls at the schools loved me. It was easy for pride to start creeping in, but praying through humility in that consequently opened the door for Satan to tell me that I was being idolized and glorified rather than the Lord being the one on that pedestal. I felt so much guilt over that. Yet, I recognized once again that the Lord gave me the opportunity to be remembered by those girls so that the ones that choose to pursue Him can see how I was genuinely trying to show the love of the Lord, and not be the one glorified. It wasn’t and isn’t my responsibility to make every person see something that only the Lord can show them, and having that relief allowed me to recognize my role in being a vessel for the Kingdom, and how some of those girls will see him on that pedestal, and I have no reason to feel guilty for the ones that do not choose to replace me with Him, because I was walking in obedience with humility.
This is my favorite. I am going to write an entire blog post about this because so much fulfillment has come through this. We spent two days at a juvenile detention center and if you know my past, you know that the trauma and addiction that many of these girls have walked through holds an extremely close and familiar place in my heart. I felt so much shame while being there because I should be where those girls are. I deserve to be in jail. Not only that, but even if I was, I would have Jesus there, and these girls don’t. There are where I deserve to be, without the Savior that delivered me from what they are experiencing and have experienced. The enemy was trying to shut me down because He knew Abba had such big plans for me there. Through talking about my tattoos (we love tattoo ministry), and relating to the girls, the Lord used me to plant seeds and open eyes to Him in ways I know I might never see the fruit from. But I’m so okay with it. He broke my heart in the best way possible and the truth and power that He surfaced from that shame and opened my heart to an entirely new world.
It is so easy to get caught up in spiritual warfare and let the enemy silence you and place scales over your eyes to the point where you can’t even see the Lord’s hand in what you have done and are doing. I am so thankful that The Holy Spirit is my best friend, and that through the past month, He has time and time again silenced the lies of the enemy with the truth of Jesus. He has used me as a vessel to plant seeds that I have the utmost faith in being apart of a beautiful harvest in Thailand, and I am so humbled by the fact that He is letting me partner with Him.
