I love words. If you browse through my blogs you can see that I use a lot of them. I love the power of language, of encouragement, of storytelling. The act of sharing your testimony builds believers in faith and encourages them to pursue to the Lord. It strengthens community, creates safe places for vulnerability, and inspires people to action.
As I’ve gotten to know my squad over the past two months I’ve seen the power of the written word; letters of encouragement, scriptures everywhere, spiritual books that enlighten situations. For me, words matter because I write poems. It’s the way that I love to worship, I write psalms. Psalms are poems and songs that praise the Lord and as I’ve been here on base the Lord has ingrained a “psalmist” identity in me. One night one of our leaders, Jodi, spoke at one of our sessions about our identity. She called us into deeper depths of ourselves and asked us to reach out to God and find the identity that He had for us. I was sitting on the floor with fifty of my squad mates trying to focus on what would be the “still, small voice” inside of me. My brain had started to wander off on a tangent of what I wanted to claim as my identity when suddenly I heard someone say “psalmist.” I was startled, I looked up at my squad because the word was so abruptly not my own that I thought someone had started to pray over me. No one was looking at me and I closed my eyes and heard the voice again say, “psalmist,” very clearly. At this point, naturally I started to freak out. Did God just talk to me? What the heck is a psalmist??I’ve never heard that word before.”
I hadn’t ever heard the term psalmist but as I was sitting there that night, praying and trying not to lose my nerve, I felt an overwhelming sense of peace. The Lord had given me a piece of my identity and my calling with one word. There was only one problem, since about two weeks before launch and up to now I haven’t been able to write a poem. Not one praise, not one rhythmic line, nothing. I have been going insane. I have been a writer completely unable to write and I have been more than a little perturbed with God. My quiet time has looked a little something like this:
Ummmm, Excuse me. Anyone there? Lord, my pen and paper are ready. I’ve been sitting here for fifteen minutes and nothing is happening. God, move my spirit within me, give me the words I’m ready to write. ……. (an eternity later)…. umm okay then. I guess I’m going to read your Word and see what you have to say.
And so thats what I’ve been doing for the last two months, reading God’s word. And I can’t get enough. My knowledge of the scriptures has truly grown, I mean I’m not saying I’m ready for seminary but ya know… I have read through Numbers, Ephesians, Timothy, Acts, most of Mathew, Luke, John, and Genesis. I read psalms every day and I have gone through almost three books on spiritual growth. This passion, this love for the Word-it’s not my own. The Lord needed me to know His word, to spiritually mature, to intimately know His character. How can someone write about a person they do not know, let alone praise them? In my stubbornness I have been feisty with God and selfish with my love of writing because I wanted to see the fruits of the calling that He had placed on my heart for my self. What I have learned is that you cannot lead the Holy Spirit, he leads you. And the creator of the universe is the only one who can instill creativity into my heart and thus I bow to His will, His timing, and His purpose. These last two months have been a spiritual journey and an incredible adventure of spiritual discovery. Listening to the Lord’s voice instead of trying to drown him out with my own has been the best gift I could have received, so God I thank you now for the two months of writers block that I thought was going to drive me crazy.
This week during a discipleship session lead by two of our squad mentors, Renee and Doug Duffy, I wrote my first psalm. I was sitting in session listening to my mentors unravel truths about listening to God’s voice and then it happened, the Spirit moved in me and my pen started flying across the page. In ten seconds I had a poem that was not my own but the Lord’s. I’ll tell you what, the Lord’s timing is perfect. Not that this is the point, but my squad is having a slam poetry night on Friday and I’m stoked. God, do what you want with me, light me up with your presence and your words. I want to share my poem with you, hopefully the Lord encourages you as He has encouraged me through it. Also, I would encourage you to search your own heart and find the way you worship the Lord, He can work wonders with the passions that He placed in your heart. Embrace growth, I promise it’s worth it.
A Psalmist’s Heart
Who is the writer of our plans?
Who is the maker of our hands?
Who scripted life into motion,
Whose spirit stirs commotion
Inside my soul, spirit, body, mind?
Who is the King outside of time?
Not I, not you, no the Lord above
the one that is true
For the word has been spoken,
A new breath of life,
Freedom declared, no more strife
For the one who saves has born it all
I am renewed, creation made whole
I stand on the cornerstone of his Word
a sheep of the shepherd, one of the herd
I follow to the gate, outside the pen
For the one who saves
does not hem us in
But He sends us out, in love with grace
To walk with Him and finish our race.
