So first off I would like to apologize for my long absence. If I could give one piece of advice to the formatting for the blog it would be to enable copy and paste. I would like to mention that this blog in particular might get kinda personal/deep so hold tight. This is a call for help and me kinda going into why. I’m a perfectionist in the worst way. How can that be bad one might ask? Well I’m also a HUGE procrastinator. And to be perfectly honest it come from fear. I will constantly put something off, especially something important to me, in fear that if I put in my best effort, my all, it won’t be good enough.
Thats where the anxiety comes. I will then get so consumed with anxiety and fear and promises that I’ll do that tomorrow that I will shut down and eventually lead myself to failure and disappointment. This has affected my schoolwork, my passions, my social lives, and my relationships. I want to change. I am tired of falling into the same pattern. I’m tired of not asking for help. Theres another fault of mine that coincidentally is led by fear. Ever since I was young it has been so difficult for me to ask for things, but the worst they could do is say no right? Exactly! Something about asking, getting so far out of my comfort zone, and then being told no? It hurts. And it happened less and less, because I stopped asking. I’ve been trying to do things all by myself, FAILING all by myself (which is quite likely isn’t it?), when I think we all know it doesn’t work like that. Proverbs 3:5-6 says “Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on you own understanding;in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight.” And let me tell you thats a hard one to swallow.
So after all that rambling about that here it goes. I need help. like bad. I’m extremely behind in fundraising and the due date is Friday and I’m pretty sure I’ve had almost 5 anxiety attacks in the last week. I have money in the bank that CANNOT be moved out till Friday and I still don’t think its enough. I have 2 jobs, I babysit 1-2 times every week, I have been posting almost everyday on social media , I’ve sent letters, and now I’m getting ready to go to my local businesses to ask for donations. With even all that i don’t know if it’s enough. and now matter how scared I am I know that right now there is nothing more that I want to do than be on this trip. So I’m now doing the hardest thing for me, I’m asking for help. From friends, family, acquaintances, and strangers. I ask for your support, for your thoughts, for your prayers, and (if I’m lucky) your donations.
After that emotionally exhausting 500 words I am glad to say that even though it took me long enough to face my fears, I’m trying…
P.S. this website is a really great list for bible verses about trusting in God (have to copy and paste sorry)
https://www.biblestudytools.com/topical-verses/trust-bible-verses/
