Did you know I’m back on the race? What gave it away, all my posts and pictures? Well I am! I’m in month two of nine, and I’m calling Gainesville Georgia home for now. I have a lot of plans written in my journal that I came across recently, some of them are as follows: a solo road trip on the east coast for a month visiting state parks, a vacation with my Bestfriend and moving back to Wisconsin or Maryland or Boston for different jobs I have been offered, or even moving to Florida to be with my brother and his soon to be wife. My plans, I laugh when I say that because my life is fully dedicated to the Lord that I’d sacrifice all of my plans if He told me to move to Iraq today.
Well, here I am, 24 years old, college degree and I am back on the World Race leading a group of young missionaries here in the states and soon over seas. What a wild, crazy and abundant life. I’ve been going through old WhatsApp messages lately kind of reliving the feelings and emotions I experienced back in Asia and Africa and I started missing it. I started missing the feeling and high I got following God without limitations.
And then I got sad again, because my mom called and told me they are going to our cabin in Wisconsin and I haven’t been in years and I got really frustrated with God in the same moment I was missing God, because now I’m missing my fleshly life. I’m glad I don’t confuse God like I confuse myself because wow, all the feels lately.
In one moment I’m praying and telling Papa, “Here I am Lord, move my feet to where you are and keep them grounded when you ask me to stay because I want to be with you always.” HE ANSWERS every single time and then I get ANGRY that I’m missing out on family things? KENZ HE’S ANSWERING YOUR PRAYER, WHAT ARE YOU SAYING, I yell at myself when I realize I’m not missing things at home, I’m experiencing things here because this is exactly what I have asked the Lord for.
Sitting around a fire last night worshipping with my squad I felt the Lord wrap His arms around me as I was sitting on cardboard, and He held me whispering to me that this is the same fire my parents are sitting in front of in Wisconsin, and I am not missing anything because He’s still giving me desires of my heart, because I am walking in obedience. Wow. He gave me the fire purposely, through someone else asking if the squad could have it, because He cares about allllllll the little things my heart wants while I’m doing what He needs me to do. The mighty all knowing God gave me a small desire of my heart because He cares about all the small things, not only just all of my big things.
God cares about your small desires just as much as He cares about the big things that you need. He intimately knows us, He wants to be the Father we want and not just the Father we need. He wants to give you little sweet moments to remind us that He loves us ENOUGH to give us the little moments that so many over look.
He gave me a fire, after I YELLED at Him for calling me away from my family, after praying to follow Him relentlessly. I pray for my Husband daily man, because I am a confusing person, and God bless the man to figure me out the way God has, because wow, I am met with grace daily, so much grace. Thanks Papa.
Again I am reminded, no matter where my feet land next, it will be worth it because I am following the great I am that cares about the small details of my heart and again I reminded what it felt like to wake up in a new country chasing after His Kingdom, and again I find peace in that.
I may get angry with God tonight about missing something else back in Illinois or Wisconsin or Florida or where ever, but how amazing is it that He will yet again meet me with abundant grace.
Thanks for the fire, Papa. I love you.
xo,
MacKenzie May
