Loud, happy, and respectful come to mind when I think about who I used to be. When I look back on pictures from the times I was nothing but happy. Nothing but myself.
Sad, quiet, and bitter come to mind now when I look in the mirror. When I sit and think about life and all the things that have happened. All the people who stabbed every weak spot in me. All those times I’ve had a friend betray trust and also the times I was not a good friend back. It shaped me. The way I thought about people, new friends, and the way I handled people. And yes I have the worst time forgiving and moving on. I’m a grudge holder. Big time.
I try my best to wake up and start the day fresh. To forget everything that’s happened. But I’ve realized I can’t. I can’t change over night or on my own, but GOD CAN. He can give me the peace to forgive, and strength to move forward. Praying is possibly the hardest, most challenging thing for me about being a Christian. I do it rarely and always forget. But I’m challenging myself to pray to God every night before I go to bed. For God to break my heart, and rid me of the bitterness and anger I have. To forgive the ones that have hurt me. To think before speaking. And to love without ceasing.
