It’s hell to get lost

God,

I'm sure you're aware, but waking up in the valley after a mountain top experience is for the birds.

You saw me. I was a re[new]ed man after training camp. I was on cloud nine. Chains were lifted. I experienced you in a whole new way. I had a family so big it made me want to tell my aunt to sit out fifty extra plates for Thanksgiving dinner. Then I came home. Back to my job. Back to paying bills. Back to dealing with the check-out line at Wal-Mart.

Despite feeling like I was on top of the world it sure didn't take me long to slip did it? I mean, did you even come home with me at first? I ask, because the enemy had an absolute field day beating me to hell and back. No matter how loud I screamed, it was as if you didn't hear. I was trying to cling so tight to the remnants in my mind of what your presence around me felt like…I just couldn't do it. How come?

Everything was harder. Especially having things stick when it came to my relationship with you. It didn't matter what I read or how hard I prayed, my cup wasn't being filled. Everything I didn't need in my life…those were the things that filled me up. And they repeatedly broke me and tore me up inside. Day after day. Sleepless night after sleepless night. I was [this close] to turning and running 90 to nothing in the opposite direction.

You see, the truth isn't that you stayed behind while I came back to reality; the truth is that I underestimated how hard it would be to keep up what you started. Such as me being completely faithful. And if there's anything "getting lost" requires, it's total faith. And trust. And a willingness to surrender everything, not just a slice.

I needed to realize that far too often I make my life about me rather than you. And that if I didn't stop I was going to see the doors you've been opening for me shut completely.

So in getting lost, I ended up taking a step back. Which I hated by the way. But it was completely necessary. A step back from myself. From others. From the things this world tries to consume me with. A step back now so I can jump forward in the future.
 
Was getting lost risky, scary, and costly in a lot of different ways? Without a doubt. But man, the peace that came from it…it's so good.

Getting lost is what it took to get me off the ground. Getting lost was what allowed me to realize I need to become more content in being alone with you. Getting lost taught me that I'm always wrapped in your arms. Getting lost wasn't what I wanted, it was just what I needed.

And thank you for reminding me that your presence in my life has absolutely zero with how I feel or the things I do. I can't lose your presence with me or your love that covers me daily. Not now, not ever.