"We are always in transition, always in the middle, always in between two things"
Well, it's official. I'm coming home! Our journey has come to an end. I am released from being a team leader, and have celebrated with my team and squad. This week I have been preparing to go home, reading through notes from my team, friends and family. I can't help but sit in awe of how blessed I truly am. I'm amazed at the community I get to go back to, the people who have loved me through so much. I have friends, family and a fiancee who will continue to spark fires in me the way my team has for the past 11 months. I have two incredible church families I long to see and join again. I have life long friendships that were built through this year with some of the most "sold out for God" people I have ever met.
I am blessed.
Right now, I'm physically sitting on the side of Lake Malawi, but emotionally, spiritually, I'm in the middle of so many transitions. I'm about to walk out of a season unlike anything I have ever experienced and into a season that I cannot wait to start with God. In the past year I got engaged and left for one of the craziest and most incredible years of my life. I stepped into the life of full-time community, had the opportunity to lead my peers and watch as God opened my eyes to what love really looks like. I got to live each day knowing He is the only job I have. As this journey comes to an end, the next week holds more hugs than I have probably ever imagined. It holds saying goodbye to a family of 45 people who have become brothers and sisters to me. It holds a moment that I have only dreamed of: Finally seeing and getting to continue building a relationship with the man I love, face-to-face. It holds living in a place where choice is normal, and running water is everywhere. (It also finally holds some sweet sleep in my own bed complete with a real pillow and sheets!)
There are so many things I desire to do when I get home. I have wanted many things over this past year. I have wanted to get my nursing license so I could fill a tangible need I have seen in so many African countries. I have wanted to open a women's home in Yuma, a place where women from all walks of life could come to heal from drugs, alcohol or a life of never feeling safe. I have wanted to attend Bible College so this journey as God being my only job could continue. I have wanted to go back to Real Estate knowing that that kind of money could change lives. I have wanted to plan a wedding to the man of my dreams. I have wanted a lot of things. More than anything, I want God to lead, so I'm asking Him what He has for me, what He wants.
Talk about a God moment! As I began this blog, God began to speak to me all over again. We go through little transitions all the time in our daily life. Today is a big transition for me. I am no longer the same person I was 11 months ago, or even 3 months ago. I can't follow along blindly anymore.
Nothing is impossible WITH God. His Holy Spirit dwells WITHIN us. No matter where we are, He's still there. His presence never leaves. The sound of my voice and the voice of the enemy can't drown out the still small voice of the Holy Spirit. His calling will not change. His voice will not change. His presence will not leave. I refuse to go through this period of transition unchanged. I refuse to live a life without purpose. I refuse to live a life unfulfilled. So I've decided to start this launch back into the States the same way I left: writing out what what God has given me a passion for.
He has given me a heart for women. He has given me so many sweet moments with them through the past year. He gave me Pi Gai is Thailand. Thuy in Vietnam. Our entire Women's home in Cambodia. Agnes in Malaysia. Mary in Kenya. Halima in Tanzania. Marie in Malawi. The best blessing of all has been my all girls team for the past 8 months and the relationship with one of my best friends in the U.S. He has shown me that He has walked me through certain events in my life so I can understand their lives just a little bit better. It's not by coincidence that so many of them have or are walking through a place where He is the only one who can save them. I know that place. He has been–and is still–the only one who could save me.
This is the vision God has given to me today, the purposes He has for my life:
1) Above all things, live my life as a testament of His love! Keep my eyes focused on God above all and letting Him guide every decision. "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11
2) To set my prayer life above all else. "But seek first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you." Matthew 6:33
4) Live out the next four months of engagement in the light, seeking only to glorify God with our relationship. "Let no man despise thy youth, but be thou an example of the believers, in word, in conversation, in charity, in spirit, in faith, in purity." 1 Timothy 4:12
5) Ask God to reveal a woman to disciple me through this next year. "Older women likewise are to be reverent in behavior, not slanderers or slaves to much wine. They are to teach what is good, and so train the young women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled, pure, working at home, kind, and submissive to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be reviled." Titus 2:3-5
There it is. Written out, plain as the sunlight on the lake in front of me. I pray that I can live a life that makes my Savior proud, and fulfill the plans He has for me.
Thank you all for following this year and being such a big part of it with me. I CANNOT WAIT TO SEE YOU!!
The women of my race!
Girls of my first team: Transformation Station
Second team, all girls: Talitha Koum
My leadership team.
