The day went by so fast, it feels like my last class, lunch and dinner came and went within a flash. But, isn't that what always happen when you try to prolong the goodbyes?
Elayne, the house mom left for her day off this morning and we had the home all to ourselves. I feel much closer to 16 than 24, knowing my parents are out of town for the weekend.
20 girls with no adult supervision.
As I began packing my BIG pack before dinner the girls kept coming and sitting next to me asking, "Sister, can you stay. Please don't go. Don't leave us."
I don't think I can describe to you where my heart is. I told the Lord tonight that I feel lost. I feel as though I want to rescue them, take them to my home to be loved, held and able to be a child.
But then I always hear the words, "I love them so much more than you can ever understand."
Fast forward to the girls finishing dinner. We planned a night of worship. We sit in a circle in the living room, all focused on Caitlyn as she starts strumming her guitar. I am sitting with 12 girls who have been raised Hindu, 3 who now have a relationship with God. And 7 other 20 somethings who have their hearts surrendered because if we all got really honest, the truth is this: We want to take care of each of these girls in our own strength.
As we sing worship I feel detached. I can't find my place with God. My mind is going and I'm not trusting that the Lord will lead the night. I try to figure out what I will say, how we can pray, what we can do to make this last night with them special.
Once worship ends I spill out some words that were just that, words. They had no impact. They were the sweet words like, we love you and have really enjoyed our time here. But they weren't the words I longed to say. They weren't the hope I wanted to give them for the future.
I tell them that we would love to pray over them.
That's when God steps in.
8 twenty something girls stand in a circle around 12 girls who we watched for the past month struggle with cutting their wrists, hurting each other, feeling as though there is not a person in the world that loves them.
We all prayed aloud. Then started praying over each girl. I don't know what happened in that circle but within five minutes of prayer ever little girl in that circle was crying. All 20 of us.
We rotated around them praying for each of them.
And God showed up.
I can't remember any words, but I know for those 30 minutes the Holy Spirit was working in all of our lives.
For those thirty minutes, we were 20 little girls praying to our Father.
Afterward, I got to sit on the back porch with Nydia. She is 17 and came to the Shalom Girl's Home three years ago. Her mother dropped her off because she could no longer care for her after being diagnosed with brain cancer. Her mother passed away and now Nydia is a mom to many of the girls. She has had to grow up too fast. I have watched her feed, rock to sleep and help change the youngest girls in the home. Her childhood was taken from her at a young age. As we sat on the porch tonight she fell into my arms and cried. She was able to lay in my lap crying and telling my about her life.
Tonight she got to be the one cared for.
We leave tomorrow at 8am for the city, and I can tell you without a doubt this is the hardest month for me to leave.
