I am at complete peace. But this past week has been a bit more of a roller coaster for myself emotionally and spiritually.
Recently, I have felt emotions that I hadn’t experienced before. Fear, anxiety, anger and confusion seemed to be a regular part of my day. I am sure I have felt these things before but not quite in this way. I went through a relationship break up that left me somewhat upset with God for the way it ended, after consulting Him through the process. I felt confused with myself and my emotions, almost like I didn’t have any control over them. I felt fearful knowing I was going to Germany in less than a week without any type of plan or structure. I felt anxiety not being confident that God would provide for me and lead me right where I needed to be.
And yet, here I am on a plan to Stuttgart, Germany, with no details, filled with the most peace I have ever personally experienced. So what changed? I have realized that I am just as valuable as the people around me that I hope to impact. I realize that God didn’t have a specific ministry itinerary for me to do while I am here. All He wants is to be with me. Alone.
I am valuable enough that this is not a waste of time. I realize that I expect others to fully understand God’s love for them without having a full revelation of that myself.
So now I do have a plan. I plan on being with Him. I plan on letting Him love me because I am just that important. I believe that as I get a deeper revelation of the Father’s love, others around me also will. I believe that my words will change from just words to something God uses to bring life and the same peace I am experiencing.
I am beginning to realize God is so much better than I ever thought and He has me right here for a reason. Because He loves me.
It seems like I will potentially have free time often so if you would like to chat sometime, whether you know me well or not, I’d love to do that. You are that valuable;) Love you all!!
