In college, my best friend taught me something called truth time.
This is a time where we can say anything we want, and the other person cannot get mad because it is being said out of love.
As much as it would sting, it was always the truth and always what we needed to hear.
So, here comes my truth time from Peru…I am frustrated.
I wake up in a place more beautiful than I have ever lived, adoring God’s creation around me, yet wishing I was elsewhere.
How is my body here, but my heart and mind gone?
I spend my days frustrated; at myself, God, my team, this village.
All of it.
I spend my nights frustrated at myself for my attitude.
I am frustrated that God feels so far away.
Although I know I am the one creating distance.
Truth: I haven’t opened my Bible more than twice this month.
Instead of spending quiet time with Him, I spend it asking Him why.
Why would He let me be apart of someone’s journey back to Him last month, only to take away the opportunity to communicate this month?
Why would I be somewhere with no wifi when someone I love is battling cancer?
Why would I be so far away when a dear friend says they need me?
What does God say in return?
Because you must trust in me.
Cue Kenna’s sassy eye roll. (oops – truth time remember)
Yes God, I know I can trust in you!
But do I really?
Is it something I simply know or is it something I believe in my heart?
Truth: I trust God…up until the point where I am in the dark and more is on the line.
But if we trust God with borders, do we really trust Him?
Probably not.
So, here comes God’s truth time for me…I need to learn how to trust.
He knows the desires of my heart, along with the pain I feel for myself and those I love; and He no longer wants me to hold that weight on my own.
Maybe He put me in a remote town in the mountains of Peru so I finally learn to give my life over to Him.
I wish I could put a pretty bow on this blog and say I’ve learned to put all my trust in my Father, but this is truth time, and the truth isn’t always pretty.
I have not yet learned how to fully trust in God. I still pray prayers and have thoughts full of worry and doubt, wondering what is going on back at home.
I still get frustrated when I’m serving in a place where I can’t even ask how to help someone.
I still struggle living in community.
Truth: I am still frustrated, but I am also still trying.
God knows I am not perfect.
I picture Him snickering and shaking His head each time I give Him a sassy eye roll or become frustrated when my day doesn’t play out the way I thought it would.
Thank goodness we have a God of grace who delivers a hard truth time when we need it most. But we can’t get mad, because without a doubt it was done out of unconditional love.
I am writing this because I promised myself I would be honest about my journey.
Truth: the World Race isn’t always pretty.
Yes, there will be stories and testimonies about God working in beautiful ways through my squad and myself.
He will most certainly change our hearts this year and show us who He always meant for us to be.
To do this, He will also challenge us.
In times we feel pushed to our limits are the times we must press in the most.
Right now is a time of pushing, and instead of waiting for the sky to clear and my life lesson to be learned. I wanted to share the truth of my time in Peru.
I love you all, Kenna
