Recently a teammate of mine asked us to answer the following questions:
- What where you expecting before the World Race?
- How have you grown in these first four months?
- In what ways do you hope to grow in the next seven months?
As I thought about these I went back to before training camp. I remember talking to a friend (shout out to Kalen) about how scared I was. I didn’t feel confident in my faith and I dreaded spending ten days with people who seemed to have their spiritual life together. I told my friend the leadership at Adventures would probably see right through me and call me a fraud. They would quickly realize how much growth I needed in my faith and tell me I wasn’t cut out for the World Race. Kalen reassured me, telling me everyone on my squad was just like me and they just seem perfect because they are on their best behavior right now. The real version would come out after spending everyday with each other.
So, I went to training camp, and Kalen was right. Not only was I accepted for who I was, but I realized I was surrounded by numerous Christians in the same boat as me. All of us had struggles, all of us had questions, and yet we were all called by God to be there.
The month before launch the reality of 11 months away from home began to set in. I started to question if I should go. Was I strong enough to make it? What if I got sick? What if someone at home got sick? Would I be able to fundraise all the money from across the world? Thankfully God placed people in my life to speak truth into these lies. And it was enough to get me on that first plane to Colombia.
The past four months I have grown in so many ways. Before the race I was not someone who liked change. I not only didn’t enjoy it, I dreaded it. My family can testify to the fact that when a big change was approaching, I would affect me months in advance. For no reason at all I would withdraw from those I would have to say goodbye to. I would be on edge and anxious, never able to stop thinking about all the “what if’s” of the future. Simply put, I don’t do change well. I don’t do goodbye well. And yet here I am, changing countries and saying goodbye to people I love each month.
To survive the changes I experienced in the past, I would always seek out a sense of home. In times everything was new and unknown, I would find a person, place, pet, restaurant, or activity to hold onto and make me feel more grounded and at home. I had never thought to trust fully in God and look to Him for my sense of home.
Month one I made a goal for myself. I wanted to discover a sense of home in God. I am His and He is mine. He breathed himself into me and therefore I am never alone. I could be swimming in a sea of unknown, and still rest in the fact that He is my constant, He is my home. I wanted to get to a place, especially throughout this journey, where I don’t have to seek out a sense of home to keep me grounded. I want to be able to walk into any situation knowing I am always home, because I am always with God.
As for the next seven months, I have another huge heart change I am seeking out. My goal is to step off the plane in June knowing my identity rests fully in God. Instead of being defined by my age, job, education, or physical appearance, I want my identity to belong and de defined by God. Right now I know I am a beloved child of God. But even as I type those words, it seems rehearsed. Although they are a head belief, they are not a belief in my heart. Do I know we are all created by God purposefully and beautifully, yes. Do I walk in that daily and look at myself as a beautiful creation, no.
Yesterday my teammate Lyndsee asked me what it would take to start believing that truth. I honestly answered, I don’t know. Later on in the day God told her He can’t take away my altered perception of myself, I have to give it to Him.
I wish I could say I knew how to walk through this process, but I don’t. I believe this will be a journey with God over the next seven months, and beyond.
This time has been a season of growth I know will continue for the rest of my life. It is beautiful to look back and see where we have been and, in turn, look forward to where we want to go.
I cannot thank my supporters enough for being there throughout this journey. You are apart of this as well. I hope I have given you a glimpse into my race and challenged you to find your own race to run for the kingdom.
I am still $2,565 short of my fundraising goal due by November 30th! If you would like to partner with me and help me be fully funded just click the donate button on the top right of my blog.
I love you all!
Kenna
