As I sat in my one on one with my squad mentor after month four, Ashley asked me a question I have never heard before.
“Who are you closest with, the Holy Spirit, Jesus, or God?”
I immediately said “Holy Spirit”
This answer was so easy for me, I have always felt close to the Holy Spirit. Since a young age I know when I am feeling the Spirit’s presence. To me, it feels like a heavy blanket around my shoulders. It is a comforting sense of peace that eases my mind. I feel a direct connection and can hear so clearly what the Spirit wants to say to me.
After our discussion, I began to think about the other two options Ashley gave me. Just as it was easy to claim the Holy Spirit as my closest relationship, I could label my relationship with Jesus and God as distant.
I know in my heart I believe in Jesus and God, but they were larger concepts I couldn’t wrap my head around. I could never grasp the idea of God or the history of Jesus and what my relationship with them was supposed to look like.
Recently, I walked through inner healing, which I did with the presence of the Holy Spirit. I prayed before I began and felt so much comfort walking into the hardest parts of my past with the Holy Spirit by my side.
To me, the Holy Spirit is my friend. Always there, living inside me, to guide, comfort, and speak truth. I didn’t have this with God or Jesus. Our relationship was full of uncertainty and questions. I desired a better relationship with Jesus and God but I didn’t know where to start.
Hebrews 2:11-13 states:
11 For the one who sanctifies and those who are sanctified all have one Father.[e] That is why Jesus is not ashamed to call them brothers and sisters, 12 saying:
I will proclaim your name to my brothers and sisters; I will sing hymns to you in the congregation.[f]
13 Again, I will trust in him.[g] And again, Here I am with the children God gave me.[h]
In numerous places in the Bible it states we are coheirs with Christ, we have an inheritance waiting for us when we accept Jesus as our savior. Although this is a simple concept, this head knowledge didn’t become heart knowledge until last month.
I began to realize Jesus is my brother. Just as it says in Hebrews, Jesus is proud to call us His family. Once I saw him as being my brother, it all clicked.
My two brothers, Nathan and Michael James, are some of my favorite people in this world. I love them so much and I know they would move mountains for me. This is why Jesus being my brother hit me so hard. To know what Jesus did for me and continues to do in my life blows my mind. When my brothers take care or look out for me I feel so loved and special. Jesus was willing to die for me!! He loved me enough to die for me. What a beautiful relationship! I feel so blessed to have a heavenly brother looking out for me and loving me well.
I also have been thinking more about God and what our relationship looks like. I have never been someone who feels comfortable enough to call him Dad, Papa, Abba, etc. I hear people say this and I become a bit envious. I adore the intimacy that comes with seeing Him as your Dad. I love my earthly Dad so much, but I know I don’t have the same intimacy with God.
This last month in Cambodia, our hosts have discipled us so well. They have walked us through evangelism sessions and also gave us time to reflect on our dreams and what we want for our lives. What we want to do with this fleeting life. During this we discussed the power of God, sharing stories of what He has done in our lives and the lives of those we have met.
It made me think of when people say they fear God. I have never been comfortable with this idea because I don’t want our relationship to be one of fear. I want it to be filled with love! I can see now that fearing God isn’t about being afraid of God. I can understand the Lord’s power and acknowledge what He has the ability to do. I know how much He hates sin and that we have to pay for that, but I also know that He sent Jesus Christ to save us. He saw how sinful we were and wanted more for us. One of my favorite worship songs has the lyric:
He didn’t want heaven without us, so He brought Heaven down.
He brought Jesus to this world to pay for everything we have done or will do. What a gift!! He wanted to cover everything, not to give us a free pass to do whatever we want, but to show how much grace He has. Yes, He is all-powerful and hates sin, but He also loves us well and wants to grant us grace as His children.
This changed how I view God. I am not done figuring it out, but I am beginning to figure out what our relationship looks like. What it means to have a heavenly Father.
I hope this made you think, that it made you ask yourself the same question:
“Who are you closest to, God, Jesus, or the Holy Spirit?”
Your answer will be different than mine. Your relationships will look different.
This is my story with my friend, brother, and father, what is yours?
