(From left to right: Victoria, Grace, me and Jewel about to head to an Indian wedding!)
My team, Team Scraps, is made up of three beautiful women beside myself. There is Jewel, Victoria, Grace and myself. We are Team Scraps aka Scraps for life. Once a scrap, you can never go back. We have been together the last three months and will be together through India. However, after India, I will be getting a new team and an opportunity to spend time with, learn from, grow with and do the Lord’s work with others on my squad.
(On the beach in the Dominican Republic)
But back to my girls. These women are absolutely stunning and amazing in their own unique ways. When I say we could not be more different, I am not exaggerating. Through it all though, we have gotten along, clicked and have been able to laugh, love and serve together until this month. This month in India is a whole different story. Since we arrived at our ministry site, which is absolutely fabulous by the way, we as a team haven’t been clicking. We’ve been frustrated, irritated, super defensive and just all together not getting along. The minute I would think I was back on track with all of them or even on of them something would happen and I would be right back to walking on eggshells. And for a few days I thought I could just pass the time until team changes. If I could just make it until then, I would be able to invest time and energy into my new team. Then a thought entered my mind… I will never be on Team Scraps again. It will never be the same with these girls. Do I really want to just get by? Is that what God calls me to do? Just get by? How would my life look if I just got by? What would these relationships look like if I just decided to get by? I’ve put blood, sweat, tears, emotions, time, energy and so much more with each of these women. Is this how I want to go into team changes? I also saw how my just getting by attitude was affecting other areas of my life and ministry.
(On the rooftop of our place in Haiti with our squad leader, Quinn)
So I had as it is called, “ A come to Jesus moment with myself” about how I want this team to end. So as a team we sat down and just spilled the beans, as you will. Not like the other times we had sat down and talked without really saying anything. It was real, raw, vulnerable, honest, loving, hard and uncomfortable at times. We pushed through the hard and uncomfortable to get to a place that let down the walls we had built up and started healing and mending what had so quickly been broken. And we got to do it together as a team. After doing this, I felt lighter, as did everyone else on my team. Does this mean we are back to what we were, no. But we are moving in the right direction, a stronger direction and a healthier direction. We are more unified and connected then before. A lot of the aggravation and frustrations has been dropped. Do we and will we still get annoyed with each other? HECK YES!! But that’s not the point. The point is that I didn’t do what I normally would have done and called it quits when things got hard or my feeling had been hurt so many times in a row. I was able to seek the Lord and know his love for me is unending and full of new mercies every second. I dropped my ego and pride and am still imperfectly working to show each of my teammate that kind of love that overflows out of me from the Father. I am able to love my teammates deeper and more intentionally. When I was angry, frustrated or annoyed with my teammates, I wasn’t loving them and calling them higher, I was putting them down and refusing to love that part of them.
(This about sums us up perfectly)
I now know that I am excited to change teams because of the amazing first team I had. No, my second team will be nothing like my first team because they will be different people. But I do get to bring all that I’ve learned, all the love I’ve felt and all the experiences I’ve been able to have into my new team.
(At a Haitian wedding)
So Team Scraps, it has been a true honor to love, learn, grow, invest, laugh, cry, share, question, experience, sweat, serve, worship, talk, pray and do so much more with each of you. You have forever changed me and I wouldn’t change a second of our time together. I have truly loved it all, even the hard parts because I got to do it with you. Thank you for loving me so deeply and not giving up on me. You have shown me what the true love of Christ means and for that I am so grateful!
(In the Dominican Republic)
I love you all so dearly!
And we still have one more week in India together, lets make it count! 🙂
