Since coming on the World Race, and honestly before, I realized how much my life was dictated by fear. I was afraid of everything and being afraid I reacted to the world around me. I reacted in not the best ways, and others around me paid the price. I was afraid of what I looked like, sounded like, what others would think of me and just plain afraid of myself. I knew God had big plans for me and that scared me as well. Why would and how could He use me to do big things? And why would He even want to? I was afraid of everything but no one knew.
All my life I was was always told how confident and courageous I was but underneath the jokes and sarcasm was a girl who was just terrified. What if I messed up? What if they say no? What if I actually succeeded? I was in a never ending circle of fear and didn’t know how to get out of it or rather if I wanted to.
Just applying to the World Race itself was an enormous milestone, just applying. Not to mention the 11 months, fundraising, leaving my life and all that I knew behind – just filling out the application took way longer than it should have. The fear of putting myself out there and having others know about me. What if they saw how big of a mess I was, not that I needed anyone to tell me.
The examples in my life would either run in the opposite direction from their fears and pretend like they weren’t there while others would just bulldoze through it and get it done. Where did I want to be? How would I get there? What did finding a healthy balance of knowing I was afraid but still working through it look like? How could I live a life that wasn’t controlled by fear? What would that even look like?
Fear is a part of life
It is what I do with the fear that can change. I don’t have to sit in my fear anymore, I am not held captive by it. I have been able to identify fears that have been holding me back for years, I have been able to look them straight in the face and walk through them. Having fear isn’t bad, it’s the control that it had over my life, thoughts and actions that were unhealthy.
I am no longer a slave to fear, I am a child of God.
(Me getting a tattoo: No longer a slave to fear)
I am no longer bound by sin, fear, shame, worry, anxiety or anything else that comes up in my life. I have the power, authority and victory to overcome my fears through Jesus Christ. I want to make mistakes and learn from them. I want to be so afraid because of the big dreams I have swirling around in my head, the dreams I will have to work, pray and have faith so hard to see come to pass. To know if it weren’t for the love of God, I wouldn’t be here and doing what I love. I get the opportunity and ability to love others and have them love me in return.
I am learning to step out in faith, to not always have a plan, to be in awe of the mysteries of this world, that no matter what – my life is amazing and I am so grateful to be alive. I am trying new things, experiencing new wonders of this world, letting people in and just plain learning to laugh, have joy and be at peace. I don’t have to be someone else, I can just be me.
This is a lifelong journey and I am excited to walk it out. Will I make mistakes? HECK YES! But that’s the fun part. My God isn’t afraid of mistakes, He isn’t afraid of me stepping out into the unknown because He is the unknown and loves it when I learn and find my joy in Him. He is calling me into the unknown and I am saying “yes.” He is proud of me and is calling me deeper. Deeper into His presence, deeper in to His love, deeper in to this life. I want to get all that I can out of this short time I have on this earth, because in a blink of an eye it can all go away. This life is a gift, and I had forgotten that. I am so grateful I get to wake up every day with breath in my lungs, the ability to talk, walk, think and do so much more.
Thank you Jesus for this life, my time on this earth – help me to live a life that brings you glory and radiates your love. Help me to make the darkness tremble and silence fears. With everything I have I want to praise you and have your name on my lips. Let me be your light in this world!
Some fears accomplished:
(Ziplining in Thailand with my dad during Parent Vision Trip)
(Thai boxing lessons)
(Teaching these nuggets English – these are just a few of the kids I was able to spend the month with.)
More pictures to come of more fears that I am walking through!! 🙂
With that said, another huge fear… asking others for help. I am $2,660 away from being fully funded and I need help. I have learned that asking allows others to walk with me on this amazing adventure that I have been on. I need the money to stay on the field and be able to go to Africa. I need your help, any amount helps and goes a long way! I still am in awe that $15, 440 have already been raised! I am forever grateful that so many were obedient and believed in me enough to support me. How amazing is that. Please consider donating to the link on this website to help me get fully funded and go to Africa. Thank you!
