For over the past year and a half I have had the privilege to take care of my mom who has Multiple Sclerosis (M.S.). It has been a year of trials, hurts, pains, frustrations but also miracles, joy, laughter and a complete blessing and restoration to both of us. I can honestly say that this woman God blessed me with has completely rocked not only my world but my way of thinking, my heart towards God, my mom, others and myself.
This is a thank you letter to my mom’s Multiple Sclerosis.
Let me explain.
Do you see you see what I see… when my mom is struggling to drink water or is having a hard time breathing? It means she is literally fighting for every breath she takes. Nothing comes easy to her. She has to think about every move she makes, how she will do it and hoping her body cooperates – and honestly sometimes it doesn’t. But do you think that stops her, HECK NO! She pushes herself and strives to be better. She sets goals and never gives up. She fights, claws and pushes herself for more, not only for herself but for me and others around her.
Do you see what I see… when she has a hard time remembering or coming up with words? It means that her brain is literally being for a lack of a better word “eaten” by her M.S. so she isn’t always able to remember things or say or explain things the way she always would, but that has caused us to become so close I know what she is thinking. It has allowed us to become one mind at times, I can look at her and know exactly what she wants to say and how she would say it. It has taught me to be so much more careful with the words I am able to say and how I say them. Memories are not there, they are meant to be cherished and learned from because one day they might not be there anymore. And coming from people who have lost memories and time, it is something that can never be regained.
Do you see what I see… when she says she is in a bit of pain, the translation is that she is in excruciating pain but will not let that stop her. Never once when I was a kid did my life have to change because she was in pain, she always pushed through it. She never stopped to complain or heck even mentions it. She lived with it and refused to change my life and hers because of it. Her perseverance through the pains and struggles makes me honored to be her daughter and know that no matter what she is my rock.
Do you see what I see… when she is in her wheelchair? I see a woman that is still stunningly beautiful, elegant, loyal and kind. This wheelchair helps her to be independent and gives her some semblance of her life back. I see a woman in a wheelchair that still works out and stretches 5 days a week. She goes for “rolls” around the block. She uses what others might find as blocks to her advantage. She is courageous and so strong but doesn’t even know it.
Do you see what I see… that this woman is absolutely amazing, fearless, perfectly made in every way. Her disease is not who she is, it is just something she has. She isn’t a mistake or something that needs to be fixed. Her disease does not define her because she has no boundaries. There is nothing this woman cannot do. She is unstoppable.
No matter what life throws at you, you were made unstoppable by the blood of Jesus with the power of the Holy Spirit. The victory has already been won. She is continuing to do amazing things and I couldn’t be more proud.
My mom has taught me to love without limits, to look beyond what I might see, to not let fear stand in my way, to go out and live my life to the best of my abilities, to ALWAYS see the best in everyone, to always laugh and love God. To be able to serve this woman has been an honor that is hard to explain and put into words. I will never regret the time we have been able to spend together and plan on having so much more when I come back from the World Race.
Taking care of my mom has taught me:
- That my needs come second- its not about what I want or need, this isn’t about me. Her needs come first.
- To accept more of my feelings but to not dwell in them – sometimes we needed to cry together, or get angry and punch pillows, laugh at or with each other, encourage one another or simply just hold each other without saying a word but in the end you pick yourself up and move on
- It’s the simple things that really make the difference – it’s the times that I have made her smile, laugh or we have gone out together. The simple times I was able to encourage her or just have a good conversation with her (because that was not always the case) and talk about past memories or future hopes and dreams.
- That I am her warrior – nothing has the mama lion in me come out quicker than if it has something to do with her. I will protect and guard her at all costs.
She teaches me to love fearlessly, not because she thinks I am perfect but because she loves me through my imperfections.She has taught me what it means to be loved with an unfailing love. I see the love of Jesus in her and it radiates out of her. Her love for others is contagious and you just can’t help but want to be around her.
So to my mom’s Multiple Sclerosis, what you had intended for bad was and is continually being made good. I thank you for what you have taught me and the way you have helped shape my mom. I will be eternally grateful that I believe in a God that is so much bigger and that I am able to take what I have learned and go out to the world and share it. Thank you for shaping my perspective.
And a huge thank you to my mom, you have loved me through every stage of my life and I can’t wait to share this next journey with you!
