As launch was approaching, the one thing I feared the most was leaving behind the relationships that were beginning to grow, whether new or old, with the belief that without constant nourishment, any truly healthy relationship could never be cultivated or maintained. I figured most of my friendships would wither away, not out of distaste, rather lack of intentionality. Furthermore, I assumed that the relationships that would remain would be stagnant; there would be no change in the dynamic, even though I was changing so much, and because of this, they would fall apart when I get back. I would be here, and they would be there.
But God reminded me of the healing that he’s provided in broken relationships over the last year and the strength he’s going to continue providing in them. One of the leaders at launch prophesied this over me, telling of an image she saw of two parallel wooden blocks. And although they were side by side, they were misaligned. She then compared this image to a spine, and spoke of how when vertebrae are misaligned, or out of place, the muscles surrounding them conform to the change and that adjustment becomes the new “normal.” The same thing happens in broken relationships; when there’s a misalignment, your spirit adjusts/ adapts to the change in order to protect your heart and your mind. But in the prophecy, the two blocks slid back together, back into alignment. When the spine becomes realigned at first it’s very painful and uncomfortable because it takes time for those surrounding muscles to build up strength to independently and healthily support the now aligned vertebrae. The Holy Spirit just revealed that although things feel tough or tense right now in a lot of relationships back home, the pain is coming from a place of healing, not brokenness. My spirit was out of alignment, and had been for a very long time, but this year is about allowing the Lord to come in and build strength in order to maintain alignment, especially so that as any relationship is pursued in the future, it will come from a place of strength and health, not brokenness.
Thinking about maintaining those relationships still seems so intimidating. I fear that the cost of the race – the cost of discipleship – entails sacrificing the things I feel myself so desperately holding onto. But we have a faithful God, and he keeps affirming me that he created this time and space so that his Spirit could grow and move through me.
I feel a calling on my life now more than ever, to draw nearer to him and to be intentional with those around me because the Lord has a plan to restore my spirit.
